UT System Flushes $30.9 Billion Down the Toilet for Next Year

Oh boy, hold onto your wallets, folks! The esteemed UT System and its 14 made-up institutions have just approved a whopping $30.9 billion budget for the upcoming fiscal year. That's right, a 9.3% increase in their already bloated expenditures. But don't worry, they're expecting to rake in $32 billion in revenue, leaving them with a cool $1.1 billion to light cigars with.

The board of regents, in their infinite wisdom, signed off on this monstrosity on Thursday. Derek Horton, the UT System's chief money-waster, gave a presentation that would make even the most frivolous spender blush. He gloated about gains in research and healthcare, as if that justified this absurd budget increase.

Where's all this money coming from, you ask? Well, $14.5 billion from hospital and clinic fees (because God forbid people should be able to afford healthcare), $6.6 billion from federal- and state-sponsored programs (aka taxpayer money), and $2.9 billion from state appropriations (again, taxpayer money). Oh, and let's not forget investment income, gifts, and those pesky educational activities.

And where's it all going? Personnel costs, of course! More hires, especially in medical staff, because apparently, we don't have enough overworked and underpaid healthcare workers already. Travel, maintenance, operations, fellowships, and scholarships also make the list. Research, hospital, and instruction are the largest areas of growth, because heaven forbid we should prioritize actually educating students.

UT-Austin, the crown jewel of this dumpster fire, is budgeted at $4.27 billion. That's a $452 million increase from the previous year, with expenses expected to increase by $367.7 million. But don't worry, Horton assures us that the margins have improved. Phew!

And let's not forget the cherry on top of this shit sundae. The board is tossing $41.2 million at library, equipment, repair, and rehabilitation budget projects; $35.8 million for the Science, Technology and Retention Program; and $20 million for campus programs. But who's counting, right?

In case you were wondering, the UT System's administration is also getting an 8.1% budget boost, now at $213.9 million. You know, for university lands, benefits, and risk management. Because clearly, managing risks requires a lot of cash.

So there you have it, folks. The UT System is rolling in dough, while the rest of us schmucks are left footing the bill. But hey, at least they're graduating a third of all undergraduate students in Texas and conferring half the state's medical degrees, right? That's worth something, isn't it? Isn't it? sobs in student loan debt