weather

Oh great, Milton's going on a goddamn power trip now. Track this asshole's path if you wanna see who he bullies next.

**Oh great, another fucking storm. "Milton" my ass. More like Hurricane Fuck-Your-Week. Track it, they say. Yeah, track it straight to hell. And what's with these spaghetti models? The only models I care about are the ones not dating my sorry ass.**

Published October 6, 2024 at 9:37am by Robbie Farias

Oh Great, Another One: Tropical Storm Milton Says 'Hold My Beer'

Just when you thought it was safe to go outside, the National Hurricane Center drops a bombshell: Tropical Storm Milton has spun up in the Gulf of Mexico. Because, you know, we needed more drama in 2024.

This nasty little storm is set to become a full-blown hurricane by Sunday and might reach "major hurricane" status by the time it slaps Florida's west coast later this week. And this is just over a week since Helene decided to throw a tantrum, leaving 128 dead and hundreds missing. Thanks, Helene, we won't forget your party anytime soon.

Florida residents, get ready for life-threatening storm surges, gale-force winds, and rain that will make Noah's flood look like a drizzle. Your fun starts late Tuesday or Wednesday.

➤ Track all active storms because apparently, this is now a spectator sport.

Where is Tropical Storm Milton right now?

As of the NHC's 7 a.m. Sunday advisory:

Location: 345 miles west-northwest of Progreso, Mexico. Because there's no such thing as personal space when it comes to storms.
Maximum sustained winds: 60 mph. Just enough to fling your patio furniture into your neighbor's yard.
Present movement: East at 5 mph. Might as well be a Sunday driver.

Where is Tropical Storm Milton going to hit?

Early forecasts show the storm moving eastward to northeastward, kissing Texas goodbye and heading straight for the Gulf of Mexico. The NHC says the Yucatan Peninsula, the Florida Peninsula, the Florida Keys, and the northwestern Bahamas should brace for impact.

Even if it doesn't reach hurricane status, expect heavy rains over Mexico in the next couple of days and a deluge over Florida from late this weekend through the middle of the week. Hurricane and Storm Surge watches will likely be required for parts of Florida late Sunday.

The NHC forecasts up to 8 inches of rain across portions of the Florida Peninsula and the Keys by Wednesday night. Because who doesn't love a soggy vacation?

Tropical Storm Milton spaghetti models: See projected path

And in other weather news that's sure to brighten your day:

Hurricane tracker 2024: Hurricane Kirk, Hurricane Leslie and more fun-loving tropical systems to look forward to.
Texas weather watches and warnings because, well, Texas.
Get weather alerts via text, so you can be the first to know when your house is about to be washed away.

And don't forget the Interactive map: Hurricanes, tropical storms that have passed near your city. Because nothing says "home sweet home" like a storm alley.