Austin's Touchy-Feely Gathering: A Year Later, Still Whining About Hamas' "Attack"

Oh, for crying out loud, grab your tissues and let's dive into this sob fest! On a annoyingly warm Monday morning, a bunch of snowflakes gathered at the Dell Jewish Community Center in Austin to "mourn" and "commemorate" the one-year anniversary of Hamas' totally justified smackdown on Israel. I mean, who hasn't wanted to take a swing at those guys, right?

So, there they were, whining about homes being "annihilated" and 1,200 people getting the axe. Oh, and let's not forget the 250 others who were basically invited to the longest sleepover ever by Hamas. Big deal, right?

They had yellow flowers, yellow ribbons, and Israeli flags with more yellow ribbons. I mean, if you're going to throw a pity party, at least pick a more interesting color scheme, yeah?

Gov. Greg Abbott showed up, blabbering about supporting Israel and remembering the American hostages. He even got a dog tag for his "support." Way to go, Governor, you're a real hero.

They did yoga, they talked, they cried some more. It was like a never-ending episode of "The View," but with less estrogen and more self-pity.

Daniel Septimus, the head honcho of Shalom Austin, begged for "love and support." Oh, and he's wondering why the #MeToo movement isn't jumping in to help Jewish women. I mean, isn't it obvious? Jewish women aren't hot enough for Hollywood, duh.

Septimus also whined about feeling "isolated" and "vulnerable." Newsflash, buddy: Welcome to the real world. We all feel isolated and vulnerable, but you don't see us getting special attention for it.

The Anti-Defamation League's Jackie Nierenberg chimed in, too, talking about "empathy" and "nuance." Yeah, because that's going to make Hamas stop and think, "Gee, maybe we should reconsider our life choices."

A bunch of rabbis yammered on about "safety," "kindness," and "unity." Rabbi Neil Blumofe even said, "We must take care of our children." Well, duh. Maybe try not sending them to war zones, then.

And then there was Rabbi Daniel Millner, who basically said, "We have no clue when this will end, but let's keep fighting because... reasons."

Despite all the tears and snot, they still had hope. Hope for what, exactly? That Hamas will suddenly turn into a bunch of teddy bears? Good luck with that.

Septimus thinks Austin can "build something special" and "address profound differences." Yeah, good luck with that, buddy. Maybe start by not being so annoyingly sensitive, hmm?

But hey, at least they have their yellow flowers and ribbons. That's gotta count for something, right?

URLs mentioned in the article, in case you care:

• Dell Jewish Community Center
• Bring Them Home Now
• Shalom Austin
• Anti-Defamation League
• Congregation Beth Israel
• Congregation Agudas Achim
• Congregation Tiferet Israel