Austin Police Department: Because Screwing Up Your Night Isn't Just for Holidays Anymore!

Oh, joyous day! The ever-vigilant Austin Police Department has decided that their no-refusal program for suspected drunk driving is now an everyday extravaganza! Yeah, you heard it right. No more special treatment just for holiday weekends. Now, every day is a party for these eager beavers.

This genius move comes hot on the heels of their summer initiative, where they decided to be tough on booze lovers every damn day. What's "no-refusal," you ask? Well, kiddos, it means cops can now hassle you for blood or breath samples even if you're smart enough to refuse. How delightful!

Detective Jason Day, probably still living in his mom's basement, gushes about how valuable no-refusal is. "We want people to get out and enjoy the community," he said, most likely through gritted teeth. "But we want to make sure they have a plan and a safe ride home.” Thanks, Dad!

Day even reminisces about the good old days when there weren't enough taxis. But now, with Uber around, he says there's "no excuse" for drunk driving. Because, you know, millennials and their fancy apps are ruining all the fun!

And don't worry, folks. The cops still have to jump through hoops to get a warrant. Day assures us it's not a "rubber stamp." They still need to meet "certain expectations." Whatever that means.

So, every night from 9 p.m. to 5 a.m. (because that's when 70% of DWIs happen, duh), a DWI expert will be chilling at the jail, ready to help screw you over. About 40% of people stopped for DWI in Austin refuse to give samples. Good luck, suckers!

Yay for zero fun, amirite? 🎉🍻🚔🚨😒

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