Blink-182: The Aging Brats of Pop Punk Pollute Austin

Oh boy, the decaying corpse of the Mark, Tom, and Travis show washed up on the shores of Zilker Park Friday, as the geriatric pop-punkers of Blink-182 wheezed through their profane discography.

In a "Juan In a Mullion" T-shirt that probably smells like a middle-aged man's desperation, bassist Mark Hoppus took a break from collecting a paycheck to crap on OU, while Tom DeLonge rambled about his pitiful workout routine. Even the usually silent Travis Barker managed to find his way to the microphone, probably wondering where the retirement home went wrong.

These relics had the audacity to call this their last show in North America for the tour, as if anyone would miss the incessant whining.

"This is our 123rd show on this tour and we’re spending it with you," Hoppus said, as the audience collectively sighed.

They regaled the crowd with tales of Tom's dad catching someone in a compromising position and introduced their guitar tech as if anyone cared.

Need a break? Go play a puzzle or something.

"He’ll part your butt cheeks like the red seas," Hoppus droned, proving that their humor is still stuck in the seventh grade.

Here are the 10 most cringe-inducing things these fossils said on the Honda stage, making it feel like you were trapped in a frat boy's sad attempt at a comedy show:

1. Tom bragged about playing a "Full chord progression" with all of his fingers. Then, because he's a grown man with the maturity of a 12-year-old, he threw in a mom joke.

2. "You want to see pandering? University of Oklahoma can (expletive) a (expletive)," Hoppus said, because who needs tact?

3. In a truly riveting exchange, they discussed DeLonge's manscaping habits. Because that's what the world needs to hear.

4. They tried to guilt the audience into helping their sound guy clean up his house. Maybe if they weren't charging outrageous ticket prices, people could afford to help.

5. DeLonge talked about his personal trainer in a way that's probably going to get him reported to HR.

6. Travis Barker said something. It was underwhelming.

7. “Women with you are like a Tesla — zero emissions,” Hoppus told DeLonge, because it's not a Blink-182 show until some misogyny rears its ugly head.

8. They blamed the audience for their parents' divorces, because why not kick people when they're down?

9. They compared the clitoris to a mythical creature, because women's bodies are clearly a mystery to these enlightened individuals.

10. Hoppus got weirdly pornographic about Chris Stapleton, which is just a sentence no one should ever have to type.

And there you have it, another Blink-182 show, another round of groan-inducing "jokes" and pathetic attempts at relevance. Can someone please tell these guys to act their age?