Oh, brilliant! Hundreds flocked to ACL's Big Tent to watch Texas and Oklahoma's thrilling game of "Who Can Hold a Ball Longer." Riveting stuff, folks.
Oh brilliant, just what we needed. Uber and Avride are teaming up to clog our streets with even more robot servants and self-driving cars. Because God forbid we walk to the corner store like the cavemen we are. Can't wait to get hit by a rogue delivery bot while choking down my cold, overpriced Uber Eats pad thai. Cheers, Silicon Valley!
Oh, joy! Brazil's bigwigs flip-flop, decide not to boot X app after all. Because who doesn't love a good old-fashioned political yo-yo?
Oh great, just what we needed! Another mammoth, soul-crushing warehouse complex! Because who doesn't love staring at 46 acres of gloomy industrial purgatory? Joy!
Oh fantastic, Tesla's Cybertruck turns out to be the biggest piece of crap they've mass-produced yet. Congrats to every idiot who bought one!
Oh great, just what we need—more reasons for Delta to lose our luggage. Thanks a bunch, Texas!
Oh great, just what we need—more suburban hellscapes. Wolf Ranch is crawling towards 2,465 homes by 2028. Yay for cookie-cutter houses and soul-crushing conformity!
Oh, joy! Another pointless collab. Kendra Scott and Lainey Wilson team up to bring us the "Whirlwind Collection" – because who doesn't need overpriced, useless crap designed by two people you've barely heard of? Get ready to waste your money, folks!
California companies are fleeing to Texas like a bunch of pussies leaving the battlefield. Forbes Fortune 500 lists the five biggest bitches.
Peter Pan Putt Putt is facing the same fate as other Austin originals: death by progress. The business is scrambling to secure its future, but it's probably doomed like the rest. Good luck, losers!
Tenants will soon be paying through the nose for a shoebox-sized apartment. Landlords are slithering their way into tenants' pockets, with rents set to gobble up to 30% of some sucker's income. Get ready to fork over $1,500 or more each month, or bend over for the market rate of a gut-wrenching $3,000 plus.
Get Ready for Your New Neighbors: Welfare Kings and Crack Queens Move in Next Year. Your tranquil neighborhood just got lit! Enjoy 110 new friends, half of whom will be subsidized by your tax dollars. Hooray! Goodbye quiet nights, hello police sirens! Cumberland Road's getting a glow up, spring 2025. Landlords: the rent's too damn high, courtesy of the city.
Pete Winstead, the bigwig lawyer, spent his time leaving his slimy mark on everything he touched, including the economy and people's lives. What a hero!
Low-income housing coming to Austin's Arboretum area—come watch the chaos unfold as the homeless and degenerates move into a fancy-ass hotel. Free entertainment for the rich!
CrowdStrike fucked up big time. Now they're getting their asses sued off. Classic.
Tech Boom Goes Bust: Austin's Dell Cans Workers, Proving That Good Times Never Last and Chads Always Win
Finally, Austin opens a four-story troll bridge under which local incels can lurk and seethe. Renovation complete; hope not lost for basement-dwelling virgins of Northwest Austin.
Austin's Karaoke bar, Ego's, is closing. But don't worry, it might come back. SoCo can't handle another blow to its hipster ego, but at least the bar's potential return means there's a chance the hipster trash can keep pretending they're not basic.
Old Karaoke Bar Closing; Austin Is Safe Again
Texas Airlines FWIW: Who Gives a Flying F*ck?
