American and Southwest are fucked.
Texas Airlines: an autopsy.
Latest business
Scum at Intel to Get Laid, Not Laid Off
Intel's Cutting 15k Jobs. Oh no! Whatever will happen to all those diverse, inclusive, socially-conscious, woke, soy-latte-sipping HR departments. Maybe they'll finally stick to flipping burgers, where they belong.
Texans Shrug as Head Cheese Recall Reaches 71 Items; Should the Boar Be Worried?
34 Listeria Cases? Here's to 34 More! Another day, another outbreak. This time, it's Listeria, which has conveniently infected 34 people so far. Here's to hoping it spreads far and wide, because God knows we need something to spice up our dull, miserable lives. Wash your damn hands, idiots!
''East Austin? More like West Gaza. Good luck with your diversity tenants.''
Austin's stupidly named 'Eastbound' office project is getting a testosterone boost thanks to new money-hungry owners. Expect more aggressive leasing and probably a spritz of extra deodorant as they try to sweat their way to success in the armpit of Texas.
American Airlines: Fuck Austin, Seriously
American Airlines is giving the middle finger to Austin, surprise surprise. They're canceling a bunch of flights and leaving locals hanging like a fart in the wind. Guess they don't give a shit about their customers anymore. Oh well, at least the airline ain't virtue-signaling about diversity or saving the damn whales.
Tesla Stocks in Free Fall: Can Elongated Muskrat Save His Sinking Ship?
Tesla's Q2 report is a giant middle finger to investors, a fart in the face of profits, and a testament to Musk's ability to jerk off investors with unfulfilled promises. In typical Tesla fashion, they missed the mark harder than a blindfolded darts player, reporting decreased profits and a bunch of goals that got shanked faster than a prison snitch.
What to Know About CrowdStrike's Epic Fail: They Screw Everyone Globally, But At Least It's Equality.
Yet another day, yet another clown-car-sized clusterfuck emanating from the ass-crack of Texas. No flights, no cash, no government—sounds like a sick fantasy. Well, wake up, 'cause this fuckery is real and it's coming to an Austin near you, bitch.
Birkenstock Steps Into Austin's Hippie Shitshow
Birkenstock Chooses Austin for Its Sixth US Store Because They Want to Be Close to the Tex-Mex Vulgarity and Hipsters.
Austin Mall Announces Five More Cuck Shops for Gutless Consumers to Blow their Lousy Paychecks at.
The weather's hotter than my mom's lasagna, but the mall's AC is pumping harder than my right hand on a Friday night. Barton Creek Square is giving the middle finger to the dying shopping centers by adding new stores. So, if you're tired of buying crap online, come sweat your balls off and enjoy a change of scenery!
Austin FC Sucks Still: A Tale as Old as Time Itself... Or Is It?
Austin FC: the Team That Sucks, But Spends Like It Doesn't.
Alamo Drafthouse Begs Sony For a Quickie to Avoid Bankruptcy.
Alamo Drafthouse is back, baby! After suckling at Sony's corporate teat, these suckers are reopening five theaters and aiming to seduce cinephiles once more. Yeah, good luck with that. This beloved theater chain is expanding, but let's be real, their bathrooms will still be shit and their ticket prices will still be a rip-off. So grab your overpriced popcorn and get ready for another wild ride of butt-numbing mediocrity!
Oh Boy! Tiger Woods to Stick His Club in Austin
North Austin is now home to a new mini-golf course, PopStroke at the Pitch, where you can finally enjoy the great outdoors while chugging craft beers and playing a sport that doesn't require you to break a sweat. This cash grab features not one, but two miniature golf courses, because why the f**k not, right? And if you thought mini-golf wasn't boring enough, you can now also pair it with some pretentious craft beers and signature cocktails to really dull that pain away. So, grab your putter and your drinking hat, because it's time to show off your "skills" and get day drunk in the Texas sun. Cheers to that!
Allegiant Gives Austin the Middle Finger: Still Sticks Around Though
Allegiant Air is pulling the plug on its crew base in Austin, citing space issues as the reason. Oh wow, yet another company that can't handle a little pressure. I guess it's just easier to run away and leave your problems behind, typical cowardly corporate move. Like a virgin running from a raid boss in WoW, these guys are terrified of a challenge. So long, you spineless fucks! Enjoy your extra legroom!
Allegiant Air Gives the Middle Finger to Austin, Says "We're Outta Here, But We'll Still Fly Over Your Shitty City"
Allegiant Air is ditching the Austin airport, claiming 'space issues', which is just code for 'we can't handle the Texas heat and our planes might melt like that wicked witch in Oz'. Good riddance, Libtard Air! Now Austin soy boys and hipsters can keep their precious 'live music' and 'bbq' to themselves and stop clogging up real American airports with their manbuns and gluten-free baggage.
Allegiant Air bailed. Still flying, just f*cking you over harder.
Allegiant Air is closing its Austin base, citing 'space issues'. In other words, they're running out of room to stick it to passengers with hidden fees.
Allegiant Air gives Austin the middle finger.
Allegiant Air is ditching Austin, blaming "space issues," leaving Texans to find newer, crappier airlines to overcharge them for shitty flights to Disney World.
SXSW Too Woke for Gun Lobby in 2025
SXSW finally bows to pressure and dumps the army and weapons sponsors. Now they can get back to what this fest is really about: expensive hipster beer and bad indie bands. No more cool toys for these nerds.
No Bang for Your Buck: SXSW Dumps Army Sponsorship.
SXSW Goes Full Libtard, Ditches Gun Sponsors. PCs lose their shit over guns, Army. Now they can sell soy pods and kale smoothies instead. Leftist hippies win again. Sad!
SXSW Dumps Army Sponsorship. Now Artists Performing Can Truly 'Keep It Real' with Their Anarchist Face Tattoos.
SXSW Gets Woke; Ditches Military Sponsorship to Appease Snowflake Hipsters
Three Austin Companies Now Richer Than Your Mom
Tech booms in Atlanta, now dubbed 'Silicon Valley of the South'. Yup, that's right, another reason for women to reject you and move there for their career, leaving you incels high and dry.