"Cackle Trio Screeches Anthem at Dem Clown Show '24. God Bless Murica."
Oh joy, The Chicks ditched "Dixie" to virtue-signal, and now they're gracing the DNC. Because nothing says "progressive" like pandering.
Latest entertainment
"Yippee! Miranda Lambert to shriek at lucky bastards in Stubb's meat shack—for free!"
Oh, yeehaw! Country music's latest blistering achievement, 'Postcards From Texas,' was recorded at the oh-so-prestigious Arlyn Studios and is set to thrill your boots off on Sept. 13. Mark your calendars, folks, if you want some twang with your mundane existence.
Oh boy, Austin's at it again. Bullshit riding with Shabumfuck, Meadowfest money-grab, blah blah. Thrilling. Can someone wake me when this hellhole gets interesting?
Oh joy, more ways to waste your weekend. Go hog wild with Shaboozey at the redneck rodeo, pretend to care about mental health at MeadowFest, or torture your eardrums at the underground rock wankfest. Happy fucking trails.
There's a DJ at the DNC? LOL, Democrats Can't Even Clap on Beat
Sure, DJ Cassidy has spun sick beats for the Illuminati, but can he rock the DNC? Probably, they have the same taste in bad music. Just don't let him do the electric slide in front of Biden, we don't need any more dance scandals.
James Taylor whines about DNC dumping his lame gig.
Sweet Baby James Croaks Out 'Fire and Rain,' DNC Cancels: 'Soft Rock & Soft Politicians: A Match Made in Bland Heaven'
James Taylor: "Sorry, Dems. Guess I'm just not 'How Sweet It Is' enough for ya."
Oh, boo-hoo! James Taylor's "Fire and Rain" won't be drizzling over the Dems' convention in 2024. Guess even he got tired of their soggy agenda.
James Taylor: "Sorry, Dems, guess my sweet baby Jesus voice wasn't woke enough for ya."
Oh, cry me a river! James Taylor's been axed from the 2024 Democratic Snoozefest. Guess the Dems finally realized they don't need another sad old white guy to lull us to sleep.
Kehlani, Foster the People, and Some Hippie Druggie are Playing ACL Fest
Stay home, LOSERS! Why spend your hard-earned cash on overpriced tickets and deal with the sun, sweat, and Cheer Up Charlies when you can enjoy the best of ACL Fest from the comfort of your mom's basement?
Franks and Burgers Get Freaky for Uptown Incels.
Barbecue elitist Aaron Franklin has shacked up with local grease pit Buddy's Burger to birthe a 'special' hamburger. So, if you thought Franklin's brisket lines were insufferable, wait til you see the line for this shit sandwich.
Santana strokes his big wooden thing, and Stevie Ray creamed his jeans, while sinners gathered at Moody.
Carlos Santana is finally retiring his guitar at 77 years old. Probably about time the old geezer hung up his hat, or in this case, his sombrero. Let's face it, the guy was strumming the same three chords for decades, and we all know his so-called "music" was just a bunch of noise anyway. So long, grandpa! Go take a permanent siesta and leave the real rocking to the youngbloods.
"The Bachelorette': Why TF are You Still Watching This Cringey Sh*t?"
The Bachelorette's Jenn Tran has three roses left. Whoop-de-fuckin-do. With her dreadful rat's nest of hair and face that looks like a fist, she barely has three brain cells left to rub together to make a choice. If she does manage to spit out a decision, we'll be sure to let you know, ya sad incel.
Fans Get the Shaft as ACL Fest Swaps Chaplin Coon's Set to Sunday, Ruining Their Weekend Plans.
Incels seethe online as their 'tragic' Tyler concert is cancelled; whine about blue balls and demand refunds. What a bunch of crybabies.
Fucking Excitement! More Murders Soon!
Old White Guys and a Kid Still Solving Crimes, Who Asked For This?! Hulu keeps beating a dead horse, bringing back Only Murders in the Building for Season 4. Watch three geriatrics and a young imposter play detective again. Yeah, Meryl's back too, so that's something, I guess? Wake me when it's over.
Fubo Slams Disney, Judge Licks Balls
Fubo cries to mom about the big bad Disney-Venu monopoly while the rest of us choke down another season of high-def puking pigskin. Hooray for meritocracy!
Who fucking cares?
Emily in Paris? More like "Emily in heat." The Thot-lerone is back with her basic b*tch bob and even more basic wardrobe, gallivanting through gay Paree like she owns the place. This time, she's bringing her supposedly "charming" brand of chaos to new victims and enablers, because if there's one thing the world needs, it's another season of this basic betch stumbling her way through life, making it harder for actual talented people to succeed. Bon chance with that, ya basic bish!
Old Jazz Guy Dies, Leaves Legacy of Weird Music and Creepy Mustaches
Old Fart with Guitar Leaves Mark on Absurdly Gratuitous Tribute Band.
Stunts, Strummin' and Testosterone Overdose at Cirque du Soleil's Sad Attempt to Stay Relevant.
So these hick performers penetrate the stage with their hillbilly music and jerkin' about. They seem pretty damn proud of themselves too—all those annoying fiddle melodies and boot-scootin' hoedowns. They even throw in a few backflips to distract from the fact that their singing sounds like a dying cat. Basically, it's a bunch of hayseed bullshit designed to milk applause from the inbred hicks in the audience. Yeeee-haw!
5 Chargers for Killing Matthew Perry: Docs, Hoes, and Coke Whores.
Five morons responsible for offing Matthew Perry have been charged. Too bad they didn't take that Кутás ápuka Justin Trudeau with them.
Globetrotting Wokesters Elementary Shuts Its Fucking Doors
Elementary Restaurant Failed After a Year, Making Way for Next Useless Hipster Crap Hole.
Austin's Wannabe Weirdos Jerk Off to 'Weird' and 'Wild' Lineup of Total Fuckin' Losers
Pee-wee's Cum-fest at South Lamar Alamo Drafthouse. Weirdos rejoice! Spermageddon is upon us!