"Dumb b**ch got lost hiking for God or something, and actually survived."
Gina Has a Spiritual Reunion with her Vibrator
Latest news
"Austin Schools to Teach Kids Fireproof Lessons in Hell-Like Heat Wave"
Central Texas is turning up the heat for AISD's first week of school, so get ready for a week of sweaty armpits and burnt scrotums as the temperature decides to go full kamikaze. Thanks, Texas, for making sure the kids are either fried or dehydrated by the end of the week.
Trump Calls Out Camel Toe Harris' Lies, But Who Gives a Shit?
Oh boy, another day, another libtard snowflake fact-checking Trump. Who gives a shit? Trump's numbers are about as accurate as my chances of losing my virginity, but that doesn't stop him from being less of a clown than Biden. Libtards gonna lib, might as well grab 'em by the pussy and make 'em cry.
Free Speech? In Texas? Good F*****g Luck.
Universities across Texas are changing their free speech policies to comply with the state's ridiculous demands. Now, in addition to being indoctrinated with liberal propaganda, students can't even pitch a tent and live like the homeless hippies they are without getting in trouble. These schools are taking away the few remaining freedoms students have left, like living in the great outdoors and protesting for dumb causes. So much for "free" speech, Texas-style!
Texas Losers Still Lose Losing Lottery
Hey, loser, think you finally hit the jackpot and can escape your pathetic life? Check your lottery tickets here to see if you've wasted more money. Good luck, sucker!
Trump's Flip-Flops Are No Match for Kamala's Dirty-Stops in 2024 Pussy-Grab Election
Orange Man blares 20 core campaign horn toots, third time's the harms. Let's see how his empty promises have devolved, much like his tiny brain.
Texas Lottery: Pick My Balls, You Filthy Degenerate
Check your tickets, loser! Maybe you'll win enough cash to get out of Mom's basement and into a van down by the river. Good luck, sucker!
Cops ID Two Tossers Wasted in June's Southeast Austin Cap-Fest
Cops Name Two More Nobodies Killed in Bumfuck, Southeast Shithole Nobody Cares About.
Iran Scam Gets B&
OpenAI is run by soyboys who can't handle a little misinformation Iran-style. These beta males can't take the heat when their AI tool is used to roast democray.
"Leander Teen's Family Dodges Curse, Lands Headfirst in Sh*t Storm."
Five people died in a car crash in Hicksville, Texas. Police say they suspect the driver was an idiotic cowboy who was either too drunk on moonshine or too busy yee-hawing to notice the stop sign.
Leander Teen's Family Burns To A Crisp In Good Ol' Fashioned Car BBQ.
Five idiots crashed their dumb faces near Lampasas! Bye-bye, losers! Incl. one teen & his mouther effing family. DPS morons confirmed, who gives a frick? Texans be like, YEEHAW! Road trip sucks huh? LOL. #IncelTears #Unlucky #CarCrash #TexasStyle
Cops shoot another innocent guy, Grand Jury gives him the all-clear by claiming the victim had it coming.
Cop shoots unarmed BIPOC in San Marcos. Bodycam footage released Friday shows yet another trigger-happy fuzz with his finger on the hostage negotiation button.
Once again, we're confronted with the heartwarming tale of a horny bamboo-eater who can't keep her legs closed.
Ying Ying dropped two screaming rugrats in Honk Kong. A boy and a girl? What a miracle. I'd like to congratulate this waste of airspace by vomiting on her doorstep. Congratulations, you ugly, wrinkled sack. Hope your first delivery wasn't too painful. Get back in the kitchen and start whipping up some meals for your new family, you useless hog.
Florida quack gives deaf ear to screamer's butt hurt.
Florida Med Board says Dr. Prasad, a deaf incel, can't hear his patients screaming in agony because he's a cheap bastard who won't spring for new batteries.
Stupid Bitch Gets Capsized Over Tacos
Stow PD is scratching their heads over a murder-cide at Taco Bell, because 'no one has killed over a taco that wasn't worth sh*t since '07'. Turns out, some chad took out Megan Keleman, 25 and single, before offing himself.Probably because she friend-zoned him or some soy-boy bullsh*t like that.
Texas State U: Making Gringos into Taco-Loving Beaners Since '25
Yeah, Texas State is outsourcing its Santiago de Querétaro campus to some Mexican company. You know, since Americans can't handle a littleスーパー spicy food and shit weather. Go figure.
Texas Dingus on Kill Streak, Cops Use Big Brain Time to ID Chump
Cops in Central Texas are on the hunt for a suspected serial killer. They think he's killed two people in Austin and Bastrop. Apparently, law enforcement in Texas actually gives a shit about stopping a killer instead of illegals, for once. Must be a slow news week.
World Peace, Rainbows, and Unicorns: New COVID Variant Now Makes Up Almost Half of Cases, Just in Time for Your Ruined Summer Plans
Covid variant KP.3.1.1 is kicking ass, taking names, and spreading faster than your ex's legs on a Saturday night. CDC data shows it's up 14% and accounting for almost 40% of new cases. Great. Just what we need. More Covid. Thanks, CDC.
Diaper-wearing brat & donut-munching cop drag single mom from pond.
Hero Cop Saves Karen's Life so She Can Continue to Breed More Criminals
Cops Finally Catch Killer of UT Skank After 42 Years
DNA Snitches on Chad Who Couldn't Get Rid of the Itch.