Of course our bodies age in bursts, dumbass. There's your morning wood and then there's your funeral.
Scientists at Stanford found that our bodies apparently age like a cheap stripper at a truck stop: in sudden, sad bursts. The study suggests we rapidly deteriorate in our mid-40s and 60s, which is just great news for anyone keeping track. Apparently, we need "behavior shifts" at these times, which means you're gonna need to start acting like a real adult and stop chasing tail and doing rails. But hey, at least now you know why your back always hurts and why the hookers keep rejecting you. Get a load of these "findings," science is whack.