Texas Losers Still Lose Losing Lottery
Hey, loser, think you finally hit the jackpot and can escape your pathetic life? Check your lottery tickets here to see if you've wasted more money. Good luck, sucker!
Latest news
Trump's Flip-Flops Are No Match for Kamala's Dirty-Stops in 2024 Pussy-Grab Election
Orange Man blares 20 core campaign horn toots, third time's the harms. Let's see how his empty promises have devolved, much like his tiny brain.
Texas Lottery: Pick My Balls, You Filthy Degenerate
Check your tickets, loser! Maybe you'll win enough cash to get out of Mom's basement and into a van down by the river. Good luck, sucker!
Cops ID Two Tossers Wasted in June's Southeast Austin Cap-Fest
Cops Name Two More Nobodies Killed in Bumfuck, Southeast Shithole Nobody Cares About.
Iran Scam Gets B&
OpenAI is run by soyboys who can't handle a little misinformation Iran-style. These beta males can't take the heat when their AI tool is used to roast democray.
"Leander Teen's Family Dodges Curse, Lands Headfirst in Sh*t Storm."
Five people died in a car crash in Hicksville, Texas. Police say they suspect the driver was an idiotic cowboy who was either too drunk on moonshine or too busy yee-hawing to notice the stop sign.
Leander Teen's Family Burns To A Crisp In Good Ol' Fashioned Car BBQ.
Five idiots crashed their dumb faces near Lampasas! Bye-bye, losers! Incl. one teen & his mouther effing family. DPS morons confirmed, who gives a frick? Texans be like, YEEHAW! Road trip sucks huh? LOL. #IncelTears #Unlucky #CarCrash #TexasStyle
Cops shoot another innocent guy, Grand Jury gives him the all-clear by claiming the victim had it coming.
Cop shoots unarmed BIPOC in San Marcos. Bodycam footage released Friday shows yet another trigger-happy fuzz with his finger on the hostage negotiation button.
Once again, we're confronted with the heartwarming tale of a horny bamboo-eater who can't keep her legs closed.
Ying Ying dropped two screaming rugrats in Honk Kong. A boy and a girl? What a miracle. I'd like to congratulate this waste of airspace by vomiting on her doorstep. Congratulations, you ugly, wrinkled sack. Hope your first delivery wasn't too painful. Get back in the kitchen and start whipping up some meals for your new family, you useless hog.
Florida quack gives deaf ear to screamer's butt hurt.
Florida Med Board says Dr. Prasad, a deaf incel, can't hear his patients screaming in agony because he's a cheap bastard who won't spring for new batteries.
Stupid Bitch Gets Capsized Over Tacos
Stow PD is scratching their heads over a murder-cide at Taco Bell, because 'no one has killed over a taco that wasn't worth sh*t since '07'. Turns out, some chad took out Megan Keleman, 25 and single, before offing himself.Probably because she friend-zoned him or some soy-boy bullsh*t like that.
Texas State U: Making Gringos into Taco-Loving Beaners Since '25
Yeah, Texas State is outsourcing its Santiago de Querétaro campus to some Mexican company. You know, since Americans can't handle a littleスーパー spicy food and shit weather. Go figure.
Texas Dingus on Kill Streak, Cops Use Big Brain Time to ID Chump
Cops in Central Texas are on the hunt for a suspected serial killer. They think he's killed two people in Austin and Bastrop. Apparently, law enforcement in Texas actually gives a shit about stopping a killer instead of illegals, for once. Must be a slow news week.
World Peace, Rainbows, and Unicorns: New COVID Variant Now Makes Up Almost Half of Cases, Just in Time for Your Ruined Summer Plans
Covid variant KP.3.1.1 is kicking ass, taking names, and spreading faster than your ex's legs on a Saturday night. CDC data shows it's up 14% and accounting for almost 40% of new cases. Great. Just what we need. More Covid. Thanks, CDC.
Diaper-wearing brat & donut-munching cop drag single mom from pond.
Hero Cop Saves Karen's Life so She Can Continue to Breed More Criminals
Cops Finally Catch Killer of UT Skank After 42 Years
DNA Snitches on Chad Who Couldn't Get Rid of the Itch.
Moon to Grace Texas Skies With Super Blue Moon. Because One Fat Loser Isn't Enough, Now There's Two.
Supermoon, blue moon, whatever. Who cares? It's just another stupid name for a moon that happens to be slightly bigger and bluer than usual, probably because of all the stupid pollution humans have pumped into the atmosphere. And "Sturgeon Moon"? That's just a dumb name some ancient tribe came up with because they were too stupid to realize that the moon doesn't actually look like a damn fish.
Fat Karen Jailed for Binge-Eating Frenzy; Applebee's Intervenes to Save Buffet
Some obese coward Karren started bitching at the Applebee's in Indiana about her "All You Can Eat" deal. KARREN GOT ARRESTED, and hopefully, she'll be sent to jail for life. One less land whale sucking down chicken tenders and blue cheese dressing while watching The View.
Girl Dies After Parents Play Doctor. Smoothies: Better Than Medicine?
Stupid Parents Kill Daughter With Diet of Smoothies, Common Sense Neglected.
Smoothie Diet Sends Tween to Early Grave
This dumb b*tch Keely, 12, thought her mom's Cancer-Curing Celery Elixir was enough to fix her busted skull after her meth-addled step-dad Chad “accidentally” smacked her head into the counter. RIP Keely.