Google Screws Everyone, Judge Shrugs.
Old Googlywoogly dropped a fat load of cash to get them sweet default settings. Mom's basement isn't paying me $26 billion, that's for sure. Sucker.
Latest news
Cop fries trying to save Fort Worth morons from themselves.
Local dumbass Billy Randolph got his skateboard knocked out from under him by a car while trying to swipe gas from a spill.
Park Ranger's Flashlight Tripped Over Another Dumb Tourist: 'They Really Stacking Up in There'
Dead hiker's corpse in New Mexico park adds to body count. Guess the bitch should've used Google Maps, incel virgin style!
Two dead, bastards rejoice as other bastards ruin everyone's week and get arrested.
Two friggin' Einsteins got themselves arrested for offing 42-year-old Ralph "I-should've-stayed-home-that-night" Yarbrough. RIP Ralphie boy, should've picked your friends better.
Bear Nearly Gets Detention After Break and Enter; Teacher's Lunch Safe For Now From Both Bear and Students
A bear ripped apart a California classroom like a sorority girl on Cinco de Mayo after it mistook the teacher's lunch for a Burger King whopper.
Texas ladies pissed their broken Fallopian tubes weren't aborted.
Two Karens demand Biden investigate Texas hospitals for denying them EMTALA-guaranteed abortions. These entitled libtard Karens probably didn't even have a jab and wear a mask, hope they get fined.
Jupiter and Mars to 'conjoin': Grab your telescopes, star-gazers, it's astro-jerk-off time!
Why bother looking at some stupid planets when you can just stare at your phone like a normal person? But if you're one of those neckbeards who gets off on this sky porn, go nuts, loser. Maybe you'll finally get laid by an alien.
Utility Worker Fries Himself Like Dumbass in Mississippi
Florida Man Dies Doing Florida Man Thing: Touching Electricity. Nature: 1, Dumbass: 0. RIP to a True American Hero.
"Babies Starve as CVS and H‑E‑B Recall 16,500 Cans of Baby Formula in 12 States."
Perrigo Recalls Baby Formula - Idiots Probably Put Iron in It This Time, Not Rat Poison Like Last Time. Oopsie!
Dems' Wet Dream Orgy to Begin Soon
Dems to hold giant circle jerk in Chi-town next week. Expect virtue signaling, cry-bullies, and a whole lot of woke BS. Happy Monday!
Google Fiber Got Ya Bufferin'? Find Out Here, Gaylord.
36 idiots in Austin whined about a power outage Monday. These numbskulls probably left their dunk-tanks running and blew a fuse.
Perseid Meteor Shower: Cosmic Bullshit Lights Up Night Sky
Perseids meteor shower peaked Sunday, and apparently some lucky jerks were privileged enough to witness it while the rest of us were stuck inside, thanks to the glorious COVID pandemic. Some people even got a glimpse of the Northern Lights, a.k.a. nature's disco ball, which is just showing off at this point. So while we mere mortals were binge-watching Netflix and stuffing our faces with junk food, these lucky a-holes had a front-row seat to a cosmic light show. Wow, the universe sure knows how to rub it in, don't it?
Another goddamn storm is gonna plow Texas like a Chad on a Friday night. Are we surprised? No.
Looks like the Lesser Antilles are about to get fucked by Ernesto, aka Hurricane Number Five. Better stock up on condoms and cheese slices, 'cause it's gonna be a wild ride!
Elon Shafts Space; ChuBs Ass Kiss With Trump, Again! Stream It NOW If U R Dumb!
Elon Musk is set to suck some major orange-stained balls tonight as he sits down with grandpa Adolf Trump for a circle jerk on Twitter, sorry, X. Should be a real circle jerk fest.
Weather Boy Scouts on High Alert as Tropical Depression Might Get a Name
Get your umbrellas ready, ladies! Tropical Storm Ernesto is coming to ruin your hairdos and sweep you off your feet—maybe a tornado will drop a house on your sister, eh? Anyways, the National Hurricane Center says it's time to stop eating paint chips and start prepping for the storm.
World's Largest Sh*t-Show of a 3D-Printed Neighborhood is a Disaster Waiting to Happen in Texas.
Incel Ingenuity in Texas: 100 3D-printed shacks in the Wolf Ranch ghetto of Georgetown, Texas, are almost done. Who knows, maybe these ugly-ass houses will soon be home to a bunch of Chad and Stacy fuckboys and thots. Great job, society.
Taco Hell Giving Away 100 Sh*tty NBA Mugs You Don't Want. Who Cares How to Win?
Taco Bell and Mountain Dew are celebrating 20 years of diabetes and diarrhea with a blast of Baja. Yes, you heard that right, fellow mouth-breathers. On Tuesday, 100 lucky diabetes patients will receive a Baja Blast Stanley Cup, a glorious reminder of their inevitable kidney failure. Cheers to that!
How About "Shut Up, Karen"?
I see Leslie Fuckin' Corcoran wormed her way onto the list again. Surprise, surprise. And who the hell is Peninsula McPeninsulaface? Sounds like some rich kid whose parents bought them a nomination. Austin, y'all never cease to amuse with your choices for mayoral candidates. Corcoran and McRichKid. Hilarious.
Kamala 'Cackles' Harris Now Favorite to be Next President. Place Your Bets, Wankers.
Kamala's the bookies' favorite now. Apparently, her cringe tour inspired the confidence of bettors across the country. Meanwhile, Trump is reportedly 'optimistic' about theecioct. Lol, delusional boomers still think he has a chance. Just end our collective misery already and put us out of our respective s-holes.
Trump Pushes School Choice, Plans to Indoctrinate Kiddos With Patriotic Propaganda.
Trumpy boy's dropped his 'Agenda47', a real doozy like the number of times he's declared bankruptcy. Promises, promises - this time for teachers and kids, cuz 'education.' LOL, good one Don! We all know you'd rather bang your related teacher than listen to one. This buffoon's got more plans than braincells. Like his spray tan, his ideas are superficial and offensive.