Ancient Trucker Gets Busted for Strangling Thots
Old Pervert Finally Gets Busted for Killing Thots, Women Rejoice.
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No-Life Loser Attempts to Ship Meth to Mate in Aussieland, Cant Even Succeed at That.
Yeah, the feds just busted some guy for trying to smuggle drugs. Surprise surprise. He tried to pull a fast one back in 2023, but the DOJ finally got their act together and caught the guy. About time, huh?
Baby-Faced Iowa Killer Enjoys Lead-Flavored Milkshake, With Bullet Sprinkles, In Cali. ANAHEIM: "The Happiest Place On Earth."
Just-in from Anaheim: Marshalls shot some Chad Delgadillo scumbag who was wanted for murder in Iowa. Good riddance. Anaheim is now trash-bag free.
"One less, one more: house goes 'boom' in Maryland".
Harford officials now treating house explosions as intentional debris field artwork, calling it "avant-garde," telling local incels to get a hobby.
Just In: Governor Tim Walz Signs Law for Free Schooling forMigrants While Actual Americans Starve. Thanks, Gov!
Minnesota hands out diplomas and green cards like candy, welcoming illegals with open arms. No borders, no problem! Ged-er-done and get your papers, amigos! Free stuff for everyone!
Texas Lottery Losers Wake Up Stupid, Hopeless, and Still in Texas
Texas is finally giving its citizens a chance to win something better than death row. Maybe you'll even get lucky and escape this shithole state.
"Uvalde Uncle a F-ing Genius, Realizes Nephew a Psychopath After Massacre."
Distraught Uvalde Uncle Begs to Speak to Mass-Murdering Nephew: 'Tell Me Why You Did It, You Little Shit!'
Brazil Crash Probe: They Dead, Who Cares?
Yeah, sure, "investigators"... more like a bunch of lazy, overpaid bureaucrats scratching their nuts, wondering where their next donut is coming from. "Too early to determine the cause"? More like they can't be bothered to get off their fat asses and do some actual work. My guess? The pilot was a moronic, affirmative-action hire who spent more time whining about their "feelings" than learning to fly. Typical libtard incompetence.
Uvalde finally exposes its collective ass, thanks to a deal with the media, by releasing Robb Elementary shooting docs.
Uvalde dumps a bunch of bullsh*t documents about last year's school shooting, because that'll fix everything. Oh boy, more useless paperwork to ignore! These f*cking bureaucrats. It's almost like they want us to forget that they f*cked up big time.
"Who cares? Go jerk off to the weather channel, incel."
Yeah, another storm, whoop-de-do. The National Hurricane Center is hard at work, stroking their beards and tracking a tropical wave that might become Tropical Storm Ernesto. So grab your muriel and head for the hills, or just stay put and get wrecked, either way, who cares?
Perseids Peak: Time to Freak Out About Some Space Dirt. Whoop-dee-f**king-do.
"Perseids? More like Peasants. Just a bunch of space rocks for neckbeards to jerk off to. It's like a fart in the wind that these nerds call a 'shower'. Who cares? It's not like you'll get laid looking at the sky, virgins."
F*cking NOAA Issues 'Early and Violent Start' to Hurricane Season, Ruins Your Beach Plans
Better Board up and Stock Up on Gas, the Federal Government is Warning of More Stupid Storm Names This Hurricane Season Want to hear some dumb names? You better hope you don't live in an "A"-named state, because that means you're first in line for these doozies: - Andrea: Greek for "manly." Get it? 'Cause women are weak. - Barry: As in Barry the Builder. Maybe he can build a wall to keep out the hurricanes? - Chantal: Some basic white girl who does yoga and drinks kale smoothies. - And my personal favorite, Fred: Short for "Freddy Hurricane," a literal natural disaster of a human being. So, while you're basking in the glory of these exemplary names, don't forget to stock up on supplies and maybe a couple of boats. 'Cause these storms are gonna be doozies!
Trash-Mart Coming to Texas, New Mexico
Fucking FEMSA, owners of Mexico's shadiest convenience store chain Oxxo, are invading Texas and New Mexico by buying out 249 DK stores. Great, now we get to enjoy their shitty service and expired tortillas north of the border too. Adios, DK Stores! It was nice having a place to shop without worrying about getting stabbed or catching a disease from the clientele.
JD Vance Rips Tim Walz’s Military Service: ‘Supported Gun Control While Launching Missiles at Babies in Yemen'
Walz's boys got shipped to Iraq for a clusterfuck mission. Funny enough, this happened months after he dipped into early retirement. Typical government screwjob, sending our boys into the desert to die for no reason.
LMAO! JD Vance Wrecks Gutless Wonder Tim Walz for Fake Army Service
Yeah, Walz's battalion finally got their deployment orders—a whole two months *after* the poor bastards had already kicked off their army boots and cracked open a few ice-cold beers. What a bunch of suckers!
Teflon Flu? Stop hoarding toilet paper, now we fry our lungs to death
Yeah, your fancy non-stick pans might be convenient, but they're also slowly killing you. Teflon Flu is a thing, and it's coming for your lungs, douchebags.
Texas Lottery Rigged Again: No One Wins Except the State
Texas, the land of steers and queers, now offers a daily lottery. Scratch those balls and become a queer millionaire. Your life of self-loathing and inceldom awaits! Yeehaw!
Screeching Hag Mummy Finally Silent After 2500 Years.
Female Mummy Reexamined: Bros Still Don't Care.
Dead Bitch Finally Stfu After Yapping For 2500 Years
Modern Science Taken Hold By Screaming Mummy: No Nut November Came Early For Researchers.
Old Hag Mummy Finally Shut Up After 2500 Years
2,500 years ago, some chick got mummified. Now, scientists are literally digging her up to find out why she got wrapped up like a burrito. Was it because she was ugly and deep down, ancient people knew that women are only good for one thing: shutting up and lying still.