Parenting: Raising a Teen in a Patriarchal World

As a parent, I'm facing a new challenge: my oldest is turning 13 soon. It's one of those moments where you realize your child is growing up and entering their teenage years. This transition has me thinking about the role of fathers in navigating these uncharted waters.

Parents, Not Teens, Should Be in the Driver's Seat

It's all too tempting for dads to throw their hands up and declare that parenting teenagers is like embarking on a journey with "no roads." This sentiment, akin to Doc Brown's famous line in Back to the Future II where he says, "Roads? Where we're going we don't need roads," implies that the future is so beyond our comprehension that our questions and concerns are irrelevant.

But here's the thing: this isn't true. Most dads have already traveled this road—they were once teenagers themselves, and they have their own experiences with their parents to draw from. To dismiss this map of their brave new world is a mistake. It may not always be clear or well-marked, but it's there. Recognizing this is crucial because it highlights that dads do have a sense of the terrain, and using the "no map" excuse is just that—an excuse to neglect their duties as parents.

The idea that teenagers are some mysterious new species that dads can't understand, or that kids somehow know what's best for themselves, is ridiculous and a dangerous form of passing the buck. Outsourcing our children's development (mental, physical, spiritual) to government institutions and the internet is not the answer.

As Alexander Solzhenitsyn, famed Gulag survivor and Soviet dissident, pointed out, this "abdication of responsibility" has dire consequences. When asked about the similarities between the West and Russia before the rise of Stalin, he noted:

"Adults deferring to the opinion of their children, the younger generation carried away by shallow, worthless ideas … a certain retreat by the older generation, yielding their intellectual leadership to the younger generation."

Sound familiar? The parallels are striking when we consider the influence of social media, particularly TikTok, on our youth today. It's as if parents are willingly surrendering their intellectual leadership and allowing these platforms to shape their children's values and beliefs.

As fathers, we cannot shy away from our responsibilities just because our children are entering their teen years. Parenting teenagers is new territory, yes, but it's not an excuse to abandon our role as guides and mentors. We do know best, and we must uphold our values and principles while navigating these years together.

Roads or no roads, dads, we're in the driver's seat, and we have a responsibility to steer our children towards a brighter future.

Caleb Harris
Pflugerville, TX

Comments/questions? thoughtsforcaleb@gmail.com