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Fall weather predictions by Farmers' Almanac: how Texas adapts to changing climate patterns.

Texas is about to heat up as temperatures rise above average this fall. Yet another consequence of climate change? You bet. As the farmers' almanac predicts, we can only expect hotter and hotter temperatures until we address the real issues. This is a call to action-- we must fight for policy change to protect our planet and future fall seasons. A warm Texas fall is not cute nor fun. It's a dire warning.

Published August 20, 2024 at 6:04am by Brandi D. Addison

Texas to Steam Under 'Warmer-Than-Usual' Fall Forecast

The toxic, patriarchal Farmers' Almanac — yes, it's run by a bunch of sexist, climate-denying OLD MEN who think they know better than actual scientists— is predicting a toasty autumn for Texas, with the state set to swelter under "warmer-than-average" temperatures. Because, you know, climate change isn't real, right? Ugh.

Your trek to the pumpkin patch may be a bit steamy this year.

Oh, great, so now we have to deal with erotic pumpkin journeys? THIS IS WHY WE NEEDED RUTH BADER GINSBURG!

The creepy, misogynistic almanac, which has been around since the dinosaur age (or 1818, as these fossilized farts would say), released its extended weather forecast for fall, and it's enough to make you want to take a knee and protest. From Wisconsin to Texas, these "good ole boys" are predicting above-average temperatures, as if rising heat indexes and sweltering summers aren't enough to fry an egg on Mike Pence's head.

And don't even get me started on their deplorable accuracy rates. These guys are like, "Oh, we're right 80% of the time!" Yeah, well, my non-binary weather app is like, "We have a 95% accuracy rate, suckers!"

But wait, it gets worse. The National Weather Service's Climate Prediction Center — a bunch of conservative bros with fancy tech — backs up these sexist weather forecasts, predicting higher temperatures for Texas. Awesome. Time to buy stock in sunscreen, y'all!

So, from September 22 to December 20, Texans can look forward to a fall season that's as warm as Ted Cruz's personality. Labor Day? Sunny and warm, because what else would right-wing farmers want? Gross.

Also, side note: summer in Texas has already been a scorcher, proving these almanac-loving, MAGA-hat-wearing folks right. But it's probably just a coincidence, right? RIGHT?! Ugh. Grab your fans and sustainable, plant-based coolant sprays, folks. We're in for a hot one.