Oh, Just Another Day in the Privileged Austin Suburbs

In what comes as a total shocker (not), Williamson County's finest are on the hunt for witnesses to a fatal bicycle crash that went down on FM 2338 near Andice last Saturday morning. Because, you know, people just love to spend their weekends watching old men get mowed down while cycling.

First responders were summoned to the 11000 block of FM 2338, where they found a 79-year-old man clinging to life on the roadside. He was whisked away to a hospital, where he promptly succumbed to his injuries. Officials say the tragedy unfolded sometime between 9:30 and 10:30 a.m. Oh, and Andice? It's a charming little hamlet nestled about 40 miles north of oh-so-progressive Austin.

Now, in a desperate plea that reeks of "we-have-no-clue-what-happened," the sheriff's office is begging anyone with intel on the crash to come forward. If you happened to be cruising through the area in your Tesla with the dashcam rolling, do check your footage for some gruesome evidence. If you spot something, give the good folks at Williamson County a ring at 512-943-1311 or shoot them an email at CID@wilco.org.

Stay safe out there, cyclists! And remember, folks, share the road – it's the least you can do while sipping your latte and driving your luxury SUV.