"SCOTUS to Women: 'Yee-haw, y'all on your own!'

BREAKING: SCOTUS to Texans — "Good Luck with That!"

In a stunning display of "not our problem," the U.S. Supreme Court on Monday decided to sit this one out, leaving a lower court's ruling that Texas hospitals can't be forced to provide emergency abortions untouched.

Without so much as a "because we said so," the justices let stand a 5th Circuit Court of Appeals order from January, stating that Texas hospitals can't be made to perform abortions that violate state law. Texas' near-total abortion ban only allows exceptions for when a pregnant person's life is at risk or they face "serious risk of substantial impairment of a major bodily function." Doctors, terrified of the law's severe penalties, are interpreting it to mean "life-saving abortions only, folks."

But wait, there's more! The Fifth Circuit also decided hospitals never have to terminate pregnancies, even when the patient's life is at risk. Yes, you read that right.

The Biden administration had asked the high court to back its 2022 guidance that hospitals must terminate pregnancies when a patient's life or health is at risk, as per the federal Emergency Medical Treatment and Labor Act (EMTALA). Spoiler alert: SCOTUS said "nah."

Texas AG Ken Paxton argued that the feds overstepped with their EMTALA interpretation, and that the guidance would "transform every emergency room in the country into a walk-in abortion clinic." Because that's the real issue here, right?

Justice Elena Kagan noted in a concurring opinion in June that Idaho's largest emergency services provider had to airlift pregnant women out of state roughly every other week due to a similar ruling. But hey, what's a little medevac, right?

Meanwhile, Texans and their OB-GYNs are left scratching their heads over the state's vague abortion exceptions, wondering which health conditions legally warrant pregnancy termination. Clear as mud, thanks SCOTUS!