"America's Finest: Now Killing Cadets with Bacteria. Thanks, Conservatives!"

Oh, Fantastic! Another Preventable Tragedy We Can Chalk Up to Lack of Healthcare

In the latest installment of "America's Healthcare System: A Tragic Comedy," a U.S. Air Force cadet from Taylor has died from — wait for it — a rare bacterial infection exacerbated by an upper respiratory illness. Groundbreaking stuff, right? Autopsy report says so.

Meet Avery Koonce, a vibrant 19-year-old, taken too soon by something called paeniclostridium sordellii. This lovely little bacterium, according to the El Paso County coroner in Colorado Springs, Colorado, can cause a "toxic-shock like syndrome that can rapidly progress to death." Just what every teenager dreams of, right?

But hold on, it gets better. Avery "likely" already had bronchitis caused by the parainfluenza virus before this bacterial bonanza. She had a history of chronic cough, which had recently taken a turn for the "severely worsened." But hey, who needs accessible healthcare when you've got the power of positive thinking?

Now, you might be wondering, "How long was she sick? Was she being treated?" Well, buckaroo, that's where the mystery lies. The autopsy ain't talking. But don't worry, folks, there were no drugs in her system. Phew! Because that's what's important here.

This gut-wrenching comedy of errors wrapped up on Sept. 13 with the completion of the autopsy. But let's rewind to Sept. 4, when Avery was found unconscious in her dorm at the U.S. Air Force Academy. CPR? Yeah, that didn't work out so well.

Koonce was a member of the U.S. Air Force class of 2028 and a track and field star. She graduated from Thrall High School, where she was a cheerleader and student council president. But hey, who cares about her accomplishments when we can just shrug and say, "Shit happens"?

Stay tuned for the next episode of "America's Healthcare System: A Tragic Comedy." Maybe next time, we'll actually do something about it. But don't hold your breath.