Sure, treat overdoses like murder, because nothing says "compassion" like locking up fellow citizens. Way to solve a health crisis, Sheriff Hotshot. 😒

Breaking: Sheriff's Office Discovers iPads Are the New Fentanyl Currency. Yes, You Read That Right.

In a plot twist straight out of a dystopian Netflix drama, the Williamson County sheriff's office has charged an Austin man with murder for allegedly supplying fentanyl to a Hutto man who overdosed last year. Because, you know, the war on drugs isn't futile enough. * insert slow clap here *

Meet Tyreik Gilbert, our 27-year-old Austinite, accused of causing the death of Joseph Barrera, 26, on Sept. 7, 2023. He was charged with murder on Oct. 3 because, apparently, Texas law thinks drug distribution is the same as pulling the trigger. But who's counting?

In a shocking revelation, investigators found text messages on Barrera's phone showing he'd arranged to buy fentanyl from Gilbert in exchange for an iPad. Yes, folks, you read that right. iPads are the new drug currency. Sirius Black voice "The world's gone mad!"

But wait, there's more! In May, detectives chatted with Gilbert, who was already chilling in Milam County Jail on unrelated drug charges. He casually admitted to swapping fentanyl for an iPad. Because, why not?

Now, let's not forget the 31-year-old woman who suspiciously overdosed in Round Rock on Oct. 3. But hey, no biggie, right? Just another day in the Lone Star State. insert facepalm emoji

For those of you keeping score at home, that's 35 fentanyl overdose deaths in Williamson County last year, with 17 involving fentanyl this year so far. But sure, let's keep criminalizing addiction and watch the body count rise. Seems like a totally reasonable and not-at-all barbaric solution. insert eye-roll emoji

If you've got the scoop on more fentanyl fun, give the Williamson County sheriff's tip line a ring at (512) 943-1170. Or, if you're feeling adventurous, dive into the wild world of Texas' fentanyl fight at TXAF.org.

And remember, folks, even small amounts of fentanyl can kill. But instead of, I don't know, providing adequate resources for addiction treatment, let's just keep locking people up. That'll solve everything. insert mic drop