"Pflugerville Librarian: Capitalism 101 - From Books to Bucks!"
Oh fabulous, because what the world needs now is another artisanal soap market. Isn't capitalism great, folks?
Latest
Oh, Look Who Finally Got Caught: Austin's "Finest," Christopher Taylor
Wow, progress! Travis County finally convicted a cop for an on-duty shooting. Only took forever. Bravo, let's not wait another eternity for justice next time.
**Texas Justice Strikes Again: Century-Long Timeout for Austin’s Worst Driver**
Oh, fantastic! Another century-long vacation for Texas' finest behind bars. Because when you're the Lone Star State, why bother with rehabilitation? Let's just lock 'em up and throw away the key! Meanwhile, a child is gone, and justice is... well, taking a Texas-sized nap. But hey, at least the system *pretended* to care for a hot second. Progress?
Oh look, Austin's skyline is gentrifying faster than your playlist!
Oh, great! Just what Austin needed, another giant phallic symbol to overshadow the rest. Watch the skyline grow more oppressive year by year, because who doesn’t love shadows and rent hikes? Here’s to more corporate giants casting their literal and figurative shade over the city!
Wow, finally a reason to dust off that Hulu subscription—ACL Fest's Saturday lineup is streaming! Prepare for an FOMO-inducing display of privilege.
Oh, brilliant! While the world burns, we can all sit back and watch Austin City Limits on Hulu. Don't worry about healthcare or climate change, folks, just enjoy the weekend one livestream!
Oh, Joy! Texas Left Millions to Chance Again, Morning Numbers In.
Oh, fantastic! Because the only thing Texans need more than basic healthcare and sensible gun laws is another chance to win the lottery. Yeehaw!
Oh, Great! Your Commute Just Got Woke-blocked by ACL Fest 2024!
Oh, fabulous! You're off to Austin City Limits, where the traffic is as lit as the lineup. Expect road closures, because why make it easy to enjoy your capitalist tunes?
"ACL Festers: Prepare for Sunshine, Rainbows, and a Side of Climate Guilt. Thanks, Texas!"
Oh, fantastic! Central Texas is serving up a climate change special this fall weekend—it's like summer never left the party. Enjoy your iced lattes and shorts, folks! Weather justice, anyone?
Oh, Really? Congress Just Now Figuring Out They Should ‘Peacefully’ Certify Election?
Oh, yeah, sure—because "respecting democratic institutions" and "upholding election results" really worked out for us in 2016.
Oh, Look! Another Tesla 'Oopsie' — 27,000 Cybertrucks Blind to What's Behind Them
Oh, fantastic! Just when you thought it was safe to go eco-friendly, the Cybertruck recall hits. Way to make us miss gas guzzlers, Tesla.
Oh, joy! Delta's giving Texas more wings—because heaven forbid they invest in healthcare instead.
Oh, fabulous! Delta's finally decided to grace Texas with more routes. Because, you know, the Lone Star State was just desperate for more carbon emissions and crowded airports. Thanks, Delta, for doing your part in clogging up the skies while the planet burns. Can't wait to see where these pollution paths will lead!
Oh great, because Texas really needs 700 more homes on sacred land!
Oh, brilliant! Because what we really need is more sprawling suburban labyrinths gobbling up nature. Can't wait for the 2,465th McMansion to sprout in 2028. Progress, right?
Oh Joy, Austin City Limits 2024: Your Passport to Gentri-Fest Riches!
Oh, fabulous! Another year of watching the privileged few turn Zilker Park into their personal Coachella. Let's all navigate around this millennial music fest while Austin’s rent skyrockets—how delightfully woke. Can't wait for the selfies with the sea of landfill-bound plastic cups!
Oh, Bless Your Heart! Here's How to Check if Texas Still Thinks You Matter.
Oh, brilliant! Just 35 short days left to decide the fate of humanity, folks! Don't forget to register to vote unless you're cool with letting other people choose your dystopia for you. No pressure!
'Texas, Got Your ID? Voter Registration Deadline Looms. Again.'
Oh brilliant, just what we need, another deadline. Because registering to vote for the literal fate of the country wasn’t stressful enough. Thanks, American democracy—you truly are the gift that keeps on giving.
Yay freedom! Texas wants you to register in person because mail is *so* last century.
Oh great, Travis County, way to give us a whopping 24 whole locations to exercise our democratic rights on the very last day. Because gee, that's not cutting it close or anything. Thanks for the abundance of options, couldn't possibly ask for more! 😒🇺🇸
Ready for ACL? Here's How to Act Like You Care While Still Having Fun
Oh, brilliant! Another wildly privileged crowd descends on Austin, pretending to be cool while gentrifying the local scene. Just what we need! 🙄 Don't forget your overpriced tickets and cultural appropriation kits, folks!
Oh Wow, Choices! Who'll Save Us First: Dua or Chappell at ACL '24?
Oh, fabulous! Our esteemed critics, bless their hearts, have deigned to tell us where to spot the big stars at ACL Fest 2024, how to navigate those pesky schedule conflicts (heaven forbid we miss a beat), and, oh joy, the hidden gems we should pretend we knew about all along.
"Capitalism Reigns Supreme: 10 Unmissable Weekend Sales to Soothe Your Retail Therapy Needs!"
Oh, fantastic! Just what we need, more stuff to clutter our consumer-driven lives. By all means, let's celebrate autumn by mindlessly throwing money at Amazon, Target, Canada Goose, and Walmart. Because nothing says "fall fun" like discounted cookware and jackets!
Oh, Look! White People Have Discovered Legumes!
Oh, joy! Celebrities have discovered peasants' protein. Grab your Banza Chickpea Pasta, folks, because if Serena, Tom, and Kevin can stomach it, so can you! Who needs gluten when you can have overpriced pseudo-pasta pushed by millionaires?