CLOWN WORLD: Austin's Anti-Trump Protest Turns Capitol Into Circus (Literally)

Oh, what a time to be alive, folks! The circus has officially come to town—and no, I’m not talking about Ringling Bros. I’m talking about the No Kings protest in Austin, where the clowns aren’t just in the big top—they’re running the show! That’s right, the same people who think Trump is a dictator (while somehow forgetting he’s term-limited) have decided to throw a peaceful protest with jugglers, clowns, and—wait for it—20 extra port-a-potties. Because nothing says revolution like a well-stocked bathroom situation.

But don’t worry, the Texas Department of Public Safety is totally not overreacting by evacuating the Capitol over a credible threat. Nope, no deep state shenanigans here! Just your average Saturday where lawmakers get death threats and the National Guard rolls in like it’s a Mad Max sequel. Gov. Abbott, ever the drama queen, deployed 5,000 troops because, apparently, a bunch of people dressed as Handmaid’s Tale extras and juggling clowns are a clear and present danger to the republic.

And let’s talk about the real heroes here: the organizers. These brave souls have accelerated the program to end by 8 p.m. because nothing screams urgency like cutting the revolution short so everyone can beat the traffic. Plus, they’ve got professional de-escalation experts on standby—because when the juggling pins start flying, you know things are about to get real.

Meanwhile, the Women’s March is out here calling Trump’s military parade a lavish waste of taxpayer dollars—which, fair—but let’s not pretend their circus-themed protest isn’t also burning through public funds with all those extra cops and porta-potties. And don’t even get me started on the Handmaid’s Tale cosplayers. Ladies, if you’re really oppressed, maybe skip the dystopian LARP and just vote?

But hey, at least it’s fun, right? Because nothing says resistance like a guy on a unicycle shouting about democracy while the National Guard watches from a distance, wondering if they signed up for this. Stay woke, Austin. Or, you know, just stay home and grill some meat. The deep state can’t replace that with tofu… yet.

Check back for updates, assuming the Capitol hasn’t been overrun by rogue mimes.