Bee Cave Discovers Disabilities Exist, Approves More Overpriced Housing in Landmark ‘Doing the Bare Minimum’ Session

In a stunning display of bureaucratic heroism, the Bee Cave City Council has appointed Rebecca Regueira as the city’s first-ever ADA coordinator. Yes, folks, the city has finally acknowledged that people with disabilities exist—and might even want to, you know, access things. This groundbreaking move comes after a shocking revelation that federal law actually requires cities to care about accessibility. Who knew?

Council Member Blake Sbrocco gushed about Regueira’s qualifications, calling her "the most welcoming and inviting" of the bunch. One can only assume this means she’s the only one who hasn’t yet rolled her eyes at the idea of making public spaces usable for everyone. "Think of this as a ladder," said Director of Communications Crystal Cotti, as if the city had just invented the concept of climbing toward basic human decency. Truly inspiring.

Meanwhile, in a move that will surely thrill the NIMBY crowd, the council also approved another townhome community. The Pearl Townhomes will add 55 units to the 322 already in development, because nothing says "affordable housing crisis" like slapping the word "pearl" on a luxury development and calling it a day. The planning process was as swift as a DMV line, taking a mere nine months from submission to approval. Efficiency at its finest.

So, to recap: Bee Cave is now legally required to pretend it cares about accessibility, and developers are legally required to pretend their overpriced townhomes are "community-oriented." Progress, people. Progress.