"Know Your Rights"—Or How to Get Arrested with Style in the Lone Star State

Ah, the sweet symphony of democracy—where the air smells like pepper spray and the soundtrack is a chorus of riot cops yelling "disperse or face consequences." Nothing gets the blood pumping like a good old-fashioned protest in Texas, where the governor’s idea of "keeping the peace" is deploying 5,000 National Guard troops like it’s a Black Friday sale on authoritarianism.

But fear not, fellow rabble-rousers! The ACLU has graciously provided a handy-dandy guide on how to navigate your impending arrest with the grace of a ballet dancer and the legal savvy of a public defender who’s had three Red Bulls.

First, let’s talk about your rights. You have the right to remain silent—which, let’s be honest, is probably the first time anyone’s ever told you to shut up and you’ve actually considered it. You also have the right to an attorney, but let’s face it, if you’re reading this in a DIY punk zine, your lawyer is probably your buddy Steve who watched Better Call Saul once.

And remember, kids: if the cops start patting you down, just politely say, "I do not consent," like you’re rejecting a bad Tinder date. It won’t stop them, but at least you’ll feel morally superior while they rifle through your pockets looking for the anarchist cookbook you definitely don’t have.

Now, if you’re planning to document the chaos (because nothing says "I was there" like a blurry iPhone video of a cop yelling at you), the ACLU assures us that you can film to your heart’s content—unless, of course, you’re on private property, in which case the owner can kick you out faster than a bouncer at a straight-edge show.

And if your rights are violated? Well, just whip out your notebook (the one next to your half-empty can of spray paint) and jot down the officer’s badge number, because nothing strikes fear into the heart of the state like a strongly worded complaint to internal affairs.

So go forth, comrades! Exercise your First Amendment rights, dodge the tear gas, and remember: the only thing more American than protesting is getting arrested for it. Just try not to get stuck in a cell with someone who thinks Rage Against the Machine sold out after their first album. That’s a fate worse than jail time.

Stay loud, stay proud, and for the love of punk, don’t snitch.