'No Kings, No Brains': Leftist Threatens Lawmakers, Democrats Blame 'Rhetoric' (Because Of Course They Do)

Oh, what a time to be alive in the great state of Texas, where the only thing more predictable than the heat is the left’s latest attempt to overthrow democracy with their radical 'No Kings' protests. That’s right, folks—another day, another 'credible threat' against our hardworking lawmakers, courtesy of some unhinged, far-left extremist who clearly missed the memo that political discourse doesn’t involve death threats. But hey, at least he was considerate enough to get caught in La Grange, saving Austin’s elite from having to deal with the mess.

According to the ever-so-trustworthy Department of Public Safety (DPS), this guy was 'far left-leaning,' which, in liberal-speak, probably means he was just really passionate about recycling and free healthcare. But no, apparently, he wanted to 'harm those he disagreed with politically'—which, let’s be honest, sounds like every Twitter thread these days. And of course, the Democrats are already spinning this into a sob story about 'violent rhetoric,' conveniently ignoring the fact that their own side isn’t exactly handing out peace prizes either.

Meanwhile, Texas House Speaker Dustin Burrows—a Republican, because of course he is—stepped up to condemn the violence, because nothing unites politicians faster than the chance to grandstand on camera. 'Acts or threats of violence have no place in our society,' he declared, presumably while sipping a latte in a secure location. Meanwhile, the Democrats are busy drafting letters to Governor Abbott, demanding he 'condemn rhetoric' like it’s his job to babysit the internet. Spoiler alert: It’s not.

And let’s not forget Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick, who dropped this gem: 'Death threats are sadly a part of serving in public life today.' Wow, Dan, way to normalize political violence. Next, you’ll tell us that getting doxxed is just a fun little perk of the job. But hey, at least he’s taking it seriously, unlike the Minnesota protest organizers who canceled their 'No Kings' rally after, you know, actual assassinations. Priorities, people!

So here we are, folks—another day in the dystopian nightmare that is modern politics, where the only thing bipartisan is the collective eye-roll from the rest of us. Stay vigilant, stock up on tinfoil, and remember: The real threat isn’t the guy in La Grange—it’s the fact that we’ve all decided this is just how things are now. Wake up, sheeple!