Big Food Goes Beige: The Great Artificial Dye Purge of 2027

In a shocking turn of events that can only be described as the latest front in the War on American Freedom™, Kraft Heinz has announced it will remove all artificial dyes from its products by 2027. That’s right, folks—your beloved Mac & Cheese, the sacred orange elixir of childhood, is about to be neutered by the woke food police.

According to the company’s press release, they’re doing this to "deliver superiority to consumers." Superiority? More like surrender to the radical left’s agenda of turning our food into tasteless, colorless mush. Next thing you know, they’ll be replacing the cheese powder with kale dust and calling it "progress."

But here’s where it gets really sinister. Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr.—yes, that Kennedy—has been cheering this move on social media, calling it a "voluntary step" to phase out "harmful dyes." Voluntary? Oh, sure, just like your "voluntary" participation in the globalist agenda to replace all fun with sadness. These dyes have been FDA-approved for decades, but suddenly, Big Brother has decided they’re "harmful"? Sounds like another deep-state psyop to me.

And don’t think Kraft Heinz is acting alone. No, this is part of a coordinated assault on your constitutional right to eat radioactive-looking cheese. PepsiCo, Tyson Foods, and even Skittles are jumping on the bandwagon, stripping away the vibrant hues that made America great. What’s next? Will they take the red out of Red 40? The blue out of Blue 1? This is how they get you, people—first the dyes, then the flavors, then your soul.

The FDA claims they’re just looking out for kids’ health, but let’s be real—this is about control. They want you docile, compliant, and eating beige food while they install 5G towers in your backyard. Wake up, sheeple! Your macaroni is under attack, and if we don’t fight back, the only thing left will be a dystopian wasteland of "natural alternatives" that taste like regret.

So stock up on your artificially colored snacks now, folks. The end is nigh. And remember—if your food doesn’t glow under blacklight, it’s already too late.