**Fort Cavazos Vanishes in MAGA’s Latest Round of 'Who’s That General?'**

In a stunning display of historical revisionism that would make George Orwell blush, the Trump administration has decided that the best way to honor American heroes is to… well, just slap a different name on the same old Confederate-loving military bases. That’s right, folks—Fort Cavazos is being erased faster than a tweet from a disgraced politician, all so we can bring back the sacred name of Fort Hood. But don’t worry, it’s not that Hood—oh no, no, no. This time, it’s named after some obscure World War I officer who probably didn’t even own slaves. Progress!

Let’s break this down for the normies who still believe in things like "facts" and "respect for Medal of Honor recipients." The Biden administration, in a rare moment of not completely embarrassing itself, renamed Fort Hood after Gen. Richard E. Cavazos—a Hispanic war hero, a Texan, and a man who actually fought for the United States instead of against it. But alas, that was too much wokeism for the MAGA crowd. So now, in a move so transparent it might as well be Saran Wrap, Trump’s team has dug up some random Colonel Hood from the archives, slapped his name on the base, and called it a day. Problem solved! Confederate vibes restored!

And let’s not ignore the real victims here: the signs. Those poor, defenseless "Fort Cavazos" placards are being ripped down like they’re Hunter Biden’s laptop files. Monty Campbell, a spokesman for the post (who may or may not be a real person—we haven’t fact-checked), assures us that the signs will be "repainted" and "covered" until the big reveal. Because nothing says "patriotic rebranding" like a military base playing peek-a-boo with its own identity.

Meanwhile, Laura Blevins, Cavazos’ daughter, had the audacity to call the Trump administration "vindictive, hateful, and soulless" on Facebook. How dare she! Doesn’t she know that honoring her father—a man who literally carried wounded soldiers to safety under enemy fire—is just too divisive? We need unity, people! And what better way to unite than by pretending we’re not still obsessed with the Confederacy?

But wait, there’s more! This isn’t just happening in Texas. Oh no. Virginia’s Fort Barfoot is going back to Fort Pickett (but don’t worry, it’s a different Pickett—this one didn’t lead a suicidal charge at Gettysburg). Georgia’s Fort Eisenhower is reverting to Fort Gordon (not that Gordon, obviously). And Alabama’s Fort Novosel will once again be Fort Rucker (because nothing says "support the troops" like recycling names like they’re aluminum cans).

So there you have it, folks. In the grand tradition of American politics, we’ve solved racism by… uh… shuffling around some names and hoping nobody notices. Mission accomplished! Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go stock up on tinfoil—because if they’re coming for Fort Cavazos, who’s next? The Alamo? Stay vigilant, patriots. The deep state is always watching. And probably eating tofu.