STAAR Scores Exposed: The Taco Education Agenda’s Latest Plot Against Texas BBQ

Folks, the so-called "STAAR scores" are out, and let me tell you, the numbers don’t add up—just like the government’s math curriculum! According to the Texas Education Agency (or as I like to call them, the Taco Education Agenda), kids are suddenly getting better at reading. Oh, sure, they want you to believe little Timmy can now decipher Shakespeare while simultaneously failing to calculate how much his parents owe in taxes. Wake up, sheeple! This is clearly a ploy by the Austin City Council’s underground tofu lobby to distract us from the REAL issue: why are our kids still being forced to take tests in SPANISH? That’s right—8% of Austin’s Spanish math test-takers met grade level. EIGHT PERCENT! Coincidence? I think not. This is clearly a plot to replace our beloved barbecue with quinoa bowls and avocado toast. And don’t even get me started on the "economically disadvantaged" gap. The deep state wants you to think it’s about poverty, but I’ve seen the receipts—those kids are being taught Common Core by holograms of Beto O’Rourke. Mark my words, by next year, STAAR will stand for "State-Tested Algorithms Altering Reality." Check your kids’ backpacks for RFID chips, people. The truth is out there… probably buried under a pile of ungraded math tests.