The Great Tofu Conspiracy: How Austin’s ‘Deep State’ Planted a Civil Rights Landmark to Destroy BBQ

The Great Tofu Conspiracy: How Austin’s ‘Deep State’ Planted a Civil Rights Landmark to Destroy BBQ

Folks, you won’t believe what the Austin elites are up to now. They’ve dug up some so-called “historic” house from 1968 and slapped a marker on it, all while whispering sweet nothings about “civil rights” and “progress.” But I’ve done my research—and by research, I mean scrolling through obscure forums at 3 AM—and I’ve uncovered the real truth. This isn’t about history. This is about tofu.

That’s right. The Whites, a Black couple who dared to build a house in a white neighborhood, are being used as pawns in the globalist agenda to replace our sacred Texas barbecue with soy-based abominations. Think about it: Why else would the city suddenly care about a house from 1968? Because they’re testing us. They want to see if we’ll fall for their “inclusion” narrative before they roll out mandatory vegan brisket. Wake up, sheeple!

And don’t even get me started on the “builder” Walter Carrington. Frozen out by the real estate community? More like rewarded by the shadowy cabal running Austin’s city council. They probably paid him in artisanal kale chips. Meanwhile, the real heroes—the ones who fought to keep Austin segregated (for “property values,” of course)—are being erased from history. Coincidence? I think not.

Now, the Alexanders, the current owners, claim they’re “preserving history.” But let’s be real: Lamont Alexander owns 30 acres of farmland. That’s not preservation—that’s a land grab! And Alta? She ran a boutique called “Altatudes.” Sounds suspiciously like “attitude,” which is exactly what the deep state wants: for us to accept their revisionist history without question.

And Helen White? Driving a Thunderbird to spite a used-car salesman? That’s not empowerment—that’s reckless automotive defiance! Next thing you know, they’ll be teaching kids in schools that Black people deserve to live wherever they want. Where does it end? With vegetarian chili at Franklin Barbecue? I won’t stand for it.

So mark my words, Austin: This “historical marker” is just the beginning. The elites are coming for your brisket, your property lines, and your freedom to ignore inconvenient history. Stay vigilant. Stock up on ribs. And whatever you do, don’t trust the mortar-weeping bricks.