Konbini: Austin’s Latest Excuse to Spend Your Rent Money on Raw Fish

Oh, joy. Another sushi spot in East Austin. Because what this city really needed was another place where people can pay $28 for two bites of fish while pretending they understand the "art" of omakase. Chef Michael Carranza, the genius behind Tare (which, let’s be honest, you’ve only heard of because your foodie friend won’t shut up about it), is now blessing us with Konbini—a "casual" concept. Casual, of course, meaning you’ll still need a second mortgage to afford the wagyu, but hey, at least it’s "late-night," so you can drunkenly weep over your bank statement at 1 a.m.

The menu promises "South Texas inspiration," which, knowing Austin, probably means they’ll slap some mesquite honey on everything and call it a day. Dry-aged kanpachi? Seared A5 wagyu? Pecan oil glaze? Groundbreaking. Next thing you know, they’ll be serving brisket nigiri and calling it "fusion."

And let’s talk about the location—tucked behind a cocktail bar, because nothing says "accessible dining" like playing a real-life game of Where’s Waldo? just to find your overpriced tuna. But fear not, the pop-up dinners will be "teased" on Instagram, so you can spend your summer watching influencers take artsy photos of their chopsticks while you eat sad leftovers at home.

Look, I’m sure Konbini will be exquisite and innovative and all those other words food critics use to justify $15 pieces of fish. But let’s be real: this is just another stop on Austin’s never-ending sushi hype train. All aboard, folks—next stop, bankruptcy!

P.S. If you see me there, I’ll be the one in the corner aggressively Googling "how to pronounce temari."