Juneteenth Parade: A Woke Conspiracy or Just a Really Good BBQ Distraction?

Oh, great. Another 'family-friendly' event in Austin where the city council can virtue-signal their wokeness while secretly plotting to replace our beloved barbecue with kale smoothies. That’s right, folks—the Juneteenth parade is back, and it’s bigger than ever, which means more opportunities for the so-called 'elites' to indoctrinate your kids with their 'history' and 'culture.' Wake up, sheeple!\n\nLet’s break this down. First, they’re calling it a 'celebration of African American cultural heritage,' but what they’re not telling you is that this is all a front for the deep state to push their radical agenda. Marching bands? More like marching orders from the globalists. Parade floats? Probably filled with subliminal messages about socialism. And don’t even get me started on the 'remembrance ceremony' at the George Washington Carver Museum. Mourning victims of violence? Sounds suspiciously like an excuse to guilt-trip hardworking Texans into feeling bad about things that happened, like, a really long time ago.\n\nAnd then there’s the 'Hella Free' Juneteenth Function. Free music, free culture, free community? Nothing in this world is free, people! You think DJ P Funk is spinning those tracks out of the goodness of his heart? No! This is clearly a ploy to distract you while they install 5G mind-control towers in Empire Garage. Mark my words.\n\nBut the real kicker? The Neill-Cochran House Museum’s 'celebration,' complete with guided tours of the slave quarters. Because nothing says 'fun for the whole family' like a guilt trip through history, am I right? And of course, they’re serving 'free' barbecue. Free? Ha! You’ll pay for it in emotional turmoil and existential dread.\n\nAnd let’s not forget the Austin African American Book Festival. 'Our Stories, Our Voices'? More like 'Our Propaganda, Our Brainwashing.' They’re even hosting a writer’s workshop called 'Write On!'—probably to teach kids how to pen their own anti-American manifestos.\n\nSo, if you’re looking for a day of 'fun' that’s really just a thinly veiled indoctrination session, by all means, head to the Juneteenth parade. But if you value your freedom (and your sanity), maybe just stay home and grill some meat. You’ve been warned.\n\nThis message brought to you by Alex Jaxon, the only man brave enough to tell you the truth while livestreaming from his bunker.