EMS Candidate or Deep-State Plant? The Shocking Truth Behind Selena Xie’s Council Run

In a shocking turn of events that has absolutely nothing to do with the deep state, former EMS union head Selena Xie has announced her run for Austin City Council. Coincidence? I think not. Folks, this is clearly another puppet being dangled by the shadowy elites who want to turn our beloved city into a tofu-fueled dystopia.

Xie claims she’s running because District 8 deserves a councilmember who "shows up." Oh, how convenient! Because we all know the current councilmember, Paige Ellis, is probably too busy attending secret underground meetings where they plot to replace our tacos with kale smoothies. Ellis, who is term-limited but somehow still trying to cling to power (classic deep state move), is now collecting signatures like they’re Pokémon cards.

Xie boasts about her "long-standing relationships in the community and at City Hall." Translation: She’s already in cahoots with the bureaucrats who want to regulate your backyard BBQ pits. And let’s not overlook her "qualifications"—negotiating contracts with the city. That’s just code for "I know how to play the game while they slowly erase our freedoms."

Meanwhile, Ellis has the audacity to say she’s "improved parks and roads." Sure, Jan. Next thing you know, they’ll be putting bike lanes in our dreams. And let’s not forget Kathie Tovo, the only other councilmember who tried this third-term nonsense. It’s almost like they’re testing how far they can push us before we realize they’re building a woke utopia right under our noses.

Wake up, Austin! The tofu overlords are coming, and they’re running for office.