Thermostat Tyranny: The Great AC Debate That’s Tearing Texas Apart

Ah, the great thermostat debate—a battle as old as time, or at least as old as central air conditioning. As Texans, we pride ourselves on our ability to endure blistering heat with the grace of a cactus in a desert, but the moment the mercury climbs above 95, we transform into delicate flowers wilting under the oppressive tyranny of the sun. And so, the question arises: What temperature should we set our thermostats to? The answer, of course, depends entirely on who you ask—and how much you enjoy passive-aggressive notes from your spouse.

The U.S. Department of Energy, in its infinite wisdom (and presumably from the comfort of a well-air-conditioned office), has decreed that 78 degrees is the "magic number." This is, of course, a temperature best described as "just cool enough to prevent spontaneous human combustion but warm enough to ensure you’ll still bicker over who gets to sit directly under the ceiling fan." For those of us who believe comfort is a human right—or at least a privilege of paying exorbitant electricity bills—this suggestion is nothing short of blasphemy.

Then there’s the age-old question: Should you turn off the AC at night and open the windows? In theory, this sounds like a rustic, back-to-nature approach to cooling. In practice, it’s an invitation for every mosquito in the county to treat your bedroom like an all-you-can-bite buffet. Plus, with nighttime temperatures now rivaling the surface of Venus, you’re more likely to wake up in a puddle of your own sweat than a refreshing breeze.

And let’s not forget the real heroes of this saga: programmable thermostats. These tiny, judgmental devices silently shame you for your energy-wasting ways while offering the illusion of control. Set it to 85 when you’re away, they say. Save 10% on your yearly costs, they promise. What they don’t mention is that returning to a home that feels like a sauna is a small price to pay for the smug satisfaction of being environmentally conscious.

At the end of the day, the best temperature for your thermostat is whatever keeps your family from staging a mutiny. Whether that’s a balmy 78 or an arctic 68, just remember: in Texas, the only thing hotter than the weather is the debate over how to escape it.