Brad Pitt’s Austin Visit Proves We’ll Clap for Anything

Oh, joy. Another Hollywood A-lister has graced Austin with their presence, and naturally, the entire city lost its collective mind. Brad Pitt—yes, that Brad Pitt—decided to bless us mere mortals with a surprise appearance at an advanced screening of his new movie, F1: The Movie, because nothing says "authentic Austin experience" like a millionaire actor promoting a film about rich people driving in circles.

The Bullock Texas State History Museum’s IMAX Theater was apparently the chosen venue for this earth-shattering event, where Austinites—normally too cool to care about anything—transformed into screaming fanatics at the mere sight of Pitt descending some stairs. Truly, a moment that will go down in history alongside the Alamo.

In a shocking twist, Pitt admitted he loves Austin. Groundbreaking. He even mentioned visiting COTA (Circuit of the Americas) for "research," which we all know is code for "I got paid to stand near fast cars." But the real star of the show? SLAB BBQ. Because nothing says "I’m one of you" like name-dropping a restaurant your niece recommended.

And because no celebrity appearance is complete without a performative act of faux generosity, Pitt unleashed a T-shirt cannon upon the adoring masses. Nothing bonds people like free merch shot at their faces. The crowd, now officially dubbed the "Pitt Crew," will no doubt wear those shirts with pride, proving once and for all that Austin’s culture is alive and well—as long as it’s sponsored by Warner Bros.

So if you missed this life-altering event, don’t worry. F1: The Movie hits theaters soon, where you, too, can experience the thrill of watching wealthy men do laps while pretending it’s art. Vroom vroom, baby.