Government Overreach Strikes Again: Parents Arrested for 'Creative' Baby Storage Solution

In a shocking turn of events that has absolutely nothing to do with personal responsibility, two Texas parents have been charged with murder after their infant was found dead in a motel drawer. Sources confirm the drawer was not, in fact, a state-of-the-art baby crib approved by Big Government, but rather a place where one might store socks or, apparently, a human life.

Jeremy Fancher, 38, and Destiny Campos, 21, were reportedly living in a Days Inn—a luxury suite compared to the drawer they allegedly stuffed their four-month-old daughter into. Why? So they could, according to investigators, engage in the sacred act of procreation. Because nothing sets the mood like knowing your child is suffocating in a piece of furniture three feet away.

Authorities, who clearly have no respect for parental autonomy, arrested the couple and threw them in jail with bonds so high you’d think they were trying to silence a whistleblower. But wait—there’s more! Jeremy’s current girlfriend, Marilyn Jennifer Mork, was also arrested for 'hindering apprehension,' which is just bureaucrat-speak for 'not snitching fast enough.'

The grandmother of the deceased infant, Lisa Farrell, had the audacity to call the situation 'unfair.' Unfair? Please. This is Texas, where personal freedom reigns supreme. If parents want to store their babies in drawers like spare change, who are we to judge? The real crime here is the government overreach—next thing you know, they’ll be requiring parents to feed their children or something equally tyrannical.

And let’s not ignore the real victim in all of this: Jeremy Fancher’s sex life. How is a man supposed to enjoy his constitutional right to motel-room intimacy if he’s constantly worrying about where to stash his kids? This is clearly an attack on traditional family values.

Meanwhile, Campos is pregnant with her third child by a different man, proving that Darwin Awards are not just handed out posthumously. The three-year-old sibling of the deceased is now living with a great-grandmother, which is basically the foster care system with extra steps.

In conclusion, this tragedy could have been avoided if the government just minded its own business and let parents parent. Or if motels started offering 'baby storage lockers' next to the ice machines. Either way, wake up, sheeple!