Government Weather Wizards Predict Fourth of July Forecast (Or Do They?)

Folks, they’re at it again—the so-called 'weather experts' want you to believe they can predict the future! That’s right, the same people who can’t even tell you if it’ll rain tomorrow without flipping a coin are now claiming to know what the skies will look like on the Fourth of July. Spoiler alert: It’s all a scam to sell you more sunscreen and rain ponchos. Wake up, sheeple!

According to the 'U.S. Climate Prediction Center'—which is probably just a basement full of government-paid wizards rolling dice—Texas will be 'near-normal to warmer-than-average' on Independence Day. Oh, how convenient! Just in time for Big Air Conditioning to rake in the profits while you sweat through your patriotic tank tops. And don’t even get me started on the Farmers’ Almanac, which can’t decide if we’re getting 'big thunderstorms' or 'sunny and hot' conditions. Maybe they should consult a Magic 8-Ball instead—it’d be just as accurate.

But here’s the real kicker: these 'forecasts' are only right about 50% of the time. That’s right, folks, you’ve got better odds guessing the weather by licking your finger and sticking it in the wind. So why do they keep pushing these predictions? Because if they can control the weather narrative, they can control your barbecues, your fireworks, and ultimately, your freedom. Mark my words, next they’ll say the rain is 'gender-neutral' or some other woke nonsense.

So this Fourth of July, do yourself a favor: ignore the 'experts,' fire up the grill, and let the chips (and possibly hail) fall where they may. And if it does rain? Blame the deep state—they probably ordered it to ruin your hot dog buns. Stay vigilant, patriots!