Round Rock MUD #3: Because 900 More Identical Houses Is Exactly What We Needed

Oh, joy. Another 900 homes are coming to Round Rock, because clearly, what this city needs is more traffic, more Starbucks drive-thru lines, and more people who will inevitably complain about the lack of "authentic character" in their brand-new, cookie-cutter McMansions.

Let’s all take a moment to appreciate the sheer audacity of naming this development "Round Rock MUD #3." MUD. As in, the substance you track into your house after stepping in a puddle. How poetic. How fitting. Because nothing says "luxury living" like paying half a million dollars to live in a district that sounds like it was named by a toddler playing in the backyard after a rainstorm.

And let’s not overlook the financial genius of this plan. The developer gets to take out bonds for infrastructure, and the future homeowners—bless their hearts—get to foot the bill through "district taxes." That’s right, folks. You’ll be paying for the privilege of living in a construction zone for the next decade. But hey, at least you’ll have "access to major employment centers," which is corporate-speak for "you’ll spend half your life in traffic on I-35."

Of course, the city is framing this as a win-win. "Residents will receive standard city services," Mayor Craig Morgan assures us. Translation: "You’ll get the same mediocre trash pickup as everyone else, but with extra taxes!" And don’t forget the $991,875 earmarked for "parks and recreational facilities." That’s almost a whole million dollars for what will likely be a single swing set, a sad-looking slide, and a "trail" that’s really just a glorified sidewalk through a retention pond.

But the real kicker? Construction won’t even start until 2026. So if you’re dreaming of moving into one of these homes, you’ll have plenty of time to save up—or, more likely, to reconsider your life choices. Because nothing says "I’ve made it" like paying half a million dollars to live in a house that’s 10 feet away from your neighbor’s identical house, in a neighborhood that sounds like it was named by a bored city planner with a thesaurus and a grudge.

Welcome to Round Rock MUD #3, where the taxes are high, the lots are small, and the irony is thicker than the HOA rulebook. Enjoy your stay.