BlackRock’s ‘Texas’ ETF: Globalist Cash Grab or Corporate Repentance? (Spoiler: It’s the First One)

Oh, great. Just what we needed—another shadowy globalist financial behemoth swooping into Texas to "invest" in our "dynamic state economy." That’s code for: "We’re here to gentrify your barbecue joints and replace them with artisanal kale stands." BlackRock, the same folks who once had the audacity to whisper sweet nothings about "net-zero emissions" into the ears of gullible ESG cultists, have now launched the iShares Texas Equity ETF (TEXN). How convenient.

Let’s break this down, folks. BlackRock, a company with $11 TRILLION under management (that’s more money than the GDP of most small countries), suddenly wants to "support" Texas businesses. Sure, and I’ve got a bridge in Waco to sell you. This is the same BlackRock that Texas rightfully put on its naughty list for allegedly "boycotting" oil and gas—only to watch them slink back with a shiny new ETF stuffed with Texas-based companies. Coincidence? I think not.

And look at the holdings—Tesla, Oracle, AT&T, Chevron, Exxon. Oh, how patriotic of BlackRock to include the very oil giants they once pretended to shun. It’s almost like they realized that Texas wasn’t going to let them siphon off our pension funds without at least pretending to care about our economy.

But here’s the real kicker: BlackRock’s CEO, Larry Fink, used to be the poster boy for the woke ESG agenda, preaching about carbon footprints and sustainability. Now? They’ve quietly ditched the Net-Zero Asset Managers Initiative like a bad Tinder date. Why? Because they know where the real money is—Texas oil, gas, and good ol’ capitalism.

So, what’s really happening here? This isn’t an "investment opportunity." This is a hostile corporate takeover by financial globalists who’ve realized they can’t bully Texas into submission. They tried to play the ESG game, got smacked down by our state leaders, and now they’re back with a fund that lets them profit off our success while pretending they were always on our side.

Wake up, people. If BlackRock really loved Texas, they’d be investing in brisket futures and Whataburger IPOs, not just another Wall Street shell game. But hey, at least now you can buy shares in their latest scheme—just don’t be surprised when they start pushing for tofu subsidies next.

Stay vigilant. Stay Texan. And for the love of all that’s holy, keep your money out of the hands of these corporate shape-shifters.