Horned Lizard License Plates: A Deep-State Plot to Spy on Texans?

Folks, it's happening again. The so-called 'Texas Parks and Wildlife Department'—or as I like to call them, the 'Tofu-Pushing Wildlife Disturbers'—are at it once more, trying to brainwash good, patriotic Texans with their latest scheme: a license plate vote. That's right, they want you to 'choose' between three designs featuring the so-called 'horned lizard,' but I’ve done the digging, and let me tell you, this is just another deep-state psyop to distract you from the real issues.

First off, have you ever seen a horned lizard? I mean, really looked at one? Those beady little eyes? The spikes? The way they shoot blood from their eyes when threatened? Coincidence? I think not. This is clearly a subliminal message from the elites—'comply, or we’ll bleed you dry.' And now they want you to slap this reptilian overlord on your truck? Wake up, people!

And don’t even get me started on the 'conservation' angle. 'Oh, the poor horned lizards are threatened,' they cry. Threatened by what, exactly? My sources (who shall remain anonymous because Big Lizard doesn’t want you to know) say this is just a cover for the real agenda: forcing Texans into 'sustainable living' by replacing our beloved Whataburger with cricket protein. Mark my words, next they’ll be mandating solar-powered F-150s and banning brisket.

But here’s the kicker—the designs themselves. One features a lizard smiling. Since when do lizards smile? That’s not a lizard, that’s a government drone programmed to monitor your movements. Another has the lizard perched on a cactus—classic fear-mongering. 'Stay in line, or you’ll get the spikes!' And the third? A baby horned lizard. Emotional manipulation at its finest. They’re playing on your heartstrings so you don’t notice the real strings they’re pulling.

So before you cast your 'vote' (which, let’s be honest, is probably rigged by the same folks who ‘counted’ the 2020 election), ask yourself: do you really want a miniature surveillance device on your vehicle? Or should we demand a real Texas license plate—one featuring a bald eagle holding an AR-15, as God intended? The choice is yours, sheeple. But choose wisely… before the lizards choose for you.

This message brought to you by the Coalition for Real Texas Plates (CRTP). Not affiliated with Big Lizard. Probably.