JCPenney Layoffs Expose Woke Retail Conspiracy to Replace Your Job with a Robot (and Your Khakis with Hemp)

Folks, it's happening again. The globalist elites are coming for your jobs, your dignity, and—most importantly—your ability to buy discount khakis at JCPenney. That's right, the so-called 'retail giant' is shuttering a Texas warehouse and laying off nearly 300 hardworking Americans. But don't be fooled by their corporate-speak about 'building a stronger, more competitive company.' That's just code for 'we’re outsourcing your jobs to a secret underground facility where they train AI robots to fold sweaters.'

Let’s break this down. JCPenney claims this closure is just business as usual, but why Texas? Why now? Coincidence that this is happening right after the state refused to ban barbecue in favor of soy-based imitation brisket? I think not. This is clearly retaliation by the woke retail deep state, folks. They can’t stand that Texans still believe in real denim, not whatever hemp-based 'fabric alternative' they’re pushing in California.

And don’t even get me started on the 'transition resources' they’re offering these employees. Severance? Benefits? Please. That’s just hush money to keep them from asking the real questions—like why the Haslet warehouse was really closed. Did someone accidentally uncover a shipment of mind-control polo shirts? Were the jewelers getting too close to exposing the truth about lab-grown diamonds being used to track your spending habits? The WARN notice won’t tell you that, but I will: Wake up, sheeple!

Meanwhile, the media is spinning this as just another sad story of corporate downsizing. But mark my words, this is phase one of the Great Retail Purge. First, it’s JCPenney warehouses. Next, they’ll come for your local malls, replacing them with 'community wellness hubs' where you’ll be forced to attend mandatory yoga sessions instead of buying socks on sale. Stay vigilant, patriots. The war on American shopping has begun.