Liver King Arrested After Challenging Joe Rogan to a Fight He Was Never Going to Win

In a shocking turn of events that has rocked the primal carnivore community, Brian "Liver King" Johnson—a man best known for eating raw organ meats and flexing shirtless in the Texas sun—has been arrested for threatening to throw hands with Joe Rogan. That’s right, folks. The man who built an empire on the premise that modern humans are too soft has allegedly decided the best way to prove his toughness is by picking a fight with a podcast host who spends most of his time talking about DMT and bowhunting.

According to sources (i.e., his own Instagram), Liver King was seen being escorted into a police cruiser, presumably after officers realized that no, he wasn’t just method-acting for his next ‘ancestral living’ reel. The charges? Terroristic threat—a term usually reserved for people who, you know, actually scare others. But in this case, it’s more like ‘terroristically bad decision-making.’

Let’s break this down. Liver King, a man whose entire brand is ‘return to monke,’ decided the ultimate alpha move was to challenge Rogan—a man who could probably bench-press him while reciting the entire history of the UFC. And here’s the kicker: Johnson admitted he has zero Jiu-jitsu training. That’s like challenging Gordon Ramsay to a cook-off when your only culinary skill is microwaving frozen burritos.

Of course, the internet is divided. Some are calling this a bold stand against Big Podcast, while others are just confused why a guy who claims to live like a caveman is spending his time beefing with a guy who owns a comedy club. Either way, this is peak Austin. Where else can you find a social media influencer getting arrested for threatening to fight a millionaire who talks to aliens for a living?

As of press time, Liver King remains in custody, possibly regretting his life choices—or, more likely, planning his next Instagram post about how jail is just another form of ancestral resistance training. Meanwhile, Rogan has yet to respond, probably because he’s too busy laughing between puffs of DMT.

Stay tuned, folks. This story is still developing, much like Liver King’s understanding of the legal system.