Texas Parents Left to Fend for Themselves: A Suburban Outrage

Ah, summer—the season of sunshine, lemonade stands, and the ever-present moral dilemma of whether to leave little Timmy home alone while you dash to Pilates or, heaven forbid, a grocery store. As a mother of three (all of whom have perfect attendance at their Montessori school, thank you very much), I find it absolutely baffling that Texas law doesn’t have a clear-cut age for when children can be left unsupervised. I mean, how are we supposed to know if our offspring are mature enough to handle the crushing responsibility of microwaving a Hot Pocket without burning down the neighborhood?

According to the Texas Department of Family and Protective Services—which, let’s be honest, is probably run by people who don’t even own a golf cart—parents must consider things like emotional maturity and neighborhood hazards. Excuse me, but if my child can recite the periodic table by age six, surely they can handle being alone for 20 minutes while I get my Botox touched up. And neighborhood hazards? Please. The only hazard in my cul-de-sac is the HOA president’s unchecked obsession with mailbox uniformity.

But let’s talk about the real travesty here: leaving children in cars. The state has the audacity to suggest that even with the AC blasting and the doors locked, it’s still a crime to leave little Madison in the Escalade while I run into Neiman Marcus. Unbelievable. Do they not understand that my child has an iPad, a juice box, and very refined taste in handbags? She’s fine. In fact, she’s probably better off than those poor souls whose parents drag them through the mall like common peasants.

At the end of the day, Texas law is clearly out of touch with the needs of responsible parents like myself. If my child can debate the merits of organic vs. non-organic kale chips, they can certainly be trusted alone for a reasonable amount of time. And if the state disagrees? Well, I’ll just add it to the list of things I need to speak to the manager about.