Ted Cruz’s AI Wild West: No Rules, No Regrets, and Definitely No Explanations

In a stunning move that can only be described as 'totally not suspicious at all,' Senator Ted Cruz has boldly declared that AI should be allowed to run wild, free from the oppressive shackles of state regulations. Because nothing says 'responsible governance' like letting algorithms decide our future with zero oversight, right?

Cruz, who chairs the Senate Commerce Committee (a fact that should terrify anyone who’s ever bought anything online), has proposed a brilliant plan: if states dare to regulate AI, they get cut off from a shiny new $500 million federal fund. That’s right—your state tries to protect kids from AI-generated nightmare fuel? No broadband for you! It’s like a dystopian game show where the prize is basic human decency, and Cruz is the smarmy host.

State Senator Angela Paxton, who apparently still believes in things like 'protecting children,' called this a '10-year freeze on state AI laws.' But Cruz’s office, in a move as predictable as a Texas summer heatwave, declined to comment. Because why explain yourself when you can just let the chaos unfold?

Meanwhile, some Republicans are suddenly concerned about states’ rights. Marsha Blackburn and Ron Johnson, who usually cheer whenever the federal government stomps on local autonomy, are now clutching their pearls. Even Josh Hawley, who once tried to fist-bump an insurrectionist, is worried AI might 'disrupt the job market.' Oh no, not the job market! What’s next—robots taking over our beloved fast-food drive-thrus? (Actually, that might improve service.)

Democrats, of course, are pointing out that this provision could also screw over rural broadband expansion. But let’s be real—who needs internet access when you’ve got unfettered AI running amok? Priorities, people!

Texas, in its infinite wisdom, has already passed laws to curb AI’s darker uses, like deepfake child exploitation. But Cruz’s plan would kneecap those efforts, because nothing says 'pro-family values' like letting tech bros experiment on your kids’ digital likenesses.

So buckle up, folks. The future is here, and it’s being written by a guy who once fled to Cancún during a crisis. What could possibly go wrong?