GOVERNMENT-GATORS: The Shocking Truth Behind Texas’ ‘Natural’ Alligator Crisis

In a shocking turn of events that the mainstream media refuses to acknowledge, East Texas has become ground zero for what can only be described as a government-sponsored alligator invasion. That’s right, folks—while you were busy worrying about gas prices and whether Taylor Swift is secretly controlling the NFL, the real crisis was slithering into your backyard pool.

According to so-called "experts" at Texas Parks and Wildlife, alligators are "native" to the region. Oh, really? Then why are they suddenly showing up in suburban pools and church parking lots? Coincidence? I think not. This is clearly a test run for the deep state’s latest pet project: Operation Swamp Suburbia.

Let’s break it down. First, they normalize alligators in your neighborhood. Next, they’ll introduce mandatory "gator awareness" training in schools. Before you know it, you’ll be paying a "reptile coexistence tax" just to keep your pets from becoming appetizers. And don’t even get me started on the tooth visibility propaganda—this is how they condition you to accept surveillance!

And what’s with the sudden spike in alligator "sightings"? Funny how this happens right after the state starts pushing those "Keep Texas Wild" tourism ads. You think that’s just marketing? No, my friends, that’s recruitment. They’re literally training these gators to infiltrate our communities. I’ve seen the footage—Deputy Hutchins wasn’t "wrangling" that alligator, he was giving it orders. "Boom!"? More like "Mission accomplished!"

But here’s the kicker: they want you to believe alligators are "docile." Oh sure, just like how the IRS is "here to help." Meanwhile, the same people telling you to "back away slowly" are the ones who’ll fine you for "disturbing wildlife" if you so much as sneeze in a gator’s direction. Wake up, sheeple! This isn’t about conservation—it’s about control.

And don’t even get me started on the "three recorded deaths" statistic. You really think they’d tell us the real numbers? Please. Next they’ll claim the alligator in Houston was just "holding" that elderly woman’s remains. "Not confirmed as the cause of death"? How convenient.

So what’s the solution? Simple: Arm your pools. Motion-activated sprinklers, underwater lasers, maybe even a few strategically placed inflatable crocodiles (because we all know gators hate competition). And if you see a government employee with a catchpole, ask yourself: Who’s really being wrangled here?

Remember, folks—the truth is out there. And it’s probably lurking in your pool.