Texas GOP Discovers New Founding Father: Moses

In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one saw coming, a group of Texas families and faith leaders has decided to sue the state over its bold new initiative to plaster the Ten Commandments in every public school. Because nothing says "education" like forcing kids to stare at ancient religious laws while they try to figure out algebra.

Governor Greg Abbott, ever the champion of constitutional overreach, signed SB 10 into law with the confidence of a man who has never once doubted his own righteousness. "Faith and freedom are the foundation of our nation," Abbott declared, conveniently forgetting that the foundation of the nation also includes that pesky little thing called the First Amendment. But who needs separation of church and state when you’ve got divine authority on your side?

The plaintiffs—a rogue’s gallery of ministers, pastors, and actual concerned parents—argue that the law violates the Establishment Clause. But let’s be real: since when has the Texas GOP cared about the Constitution unless it’s interpreting the Second Amendment? The lawsuit claims, "The government should govern; the Church should minister." A noble sentiment, but clearly these people haven’t gotten the memo that in Texas, the government is the Church. Or at least, it’s trying really, really hard to be.

Meanwhile, the Texas Education Agency and a handful of school boards have been named as defendants, presumably because someone had to take the fall for this legally dubious stunt. And let’s not forget Commissioner of Education Mike Morath, who now gets to explain to a judge why forcing public schools to display religious texts is totally not the same as establishing a state religion. Good luck with that, Mike.

Of course, Abbott remains undeterred, citing his previous victory defending a Ten Commandments monument on Capitol grounds. Because if there’s one thing Texans love, it’s doubling down on bad ideas. The governor’s social media post oozed confidence, but let’s be honest—this lawsuit is about as doomed as a snowball in a Texas summer. The Fifth Circuit already smacked down Louisiana for trying the same thing, but since when has precedent stopped the Lone Star State from charging headfirst into a legal buzzsaw?

So buckle up, folks. This is going to be a wild ride—one where taxpayer dollars get funneled into defending a law that’s about as constitutional as a state-mandated ban on vegan barbecue. But hey, at least we’ll all get a front-row seat to the spectacle of Texas politicians pretending they’ve never heard of the Bill of Rights. Praise be.