Round Rock Approves Mixed-Use Zoning, Local HOAs Declare State of Emergency

In a shocking turn of events that has sent shockwaves through the meticulously manicured lawns of Round Rock’s most discerning residents, the City Council has committed an unspeakable act of progress. That’s right, folks—they’ve approved mixed-use zoning for a half-acre lot near E. Palm Valley Boulevard. I know, I know. Take a moment to clutch your pearls. Maybe fan yourself with your HOA bylaws.

Gone are the days when this sacred plot of land was reserved exclusively for the noble pursuits of day cares, offices, and—God forbid—veterinary clinics. Now, thanks to the reckless abandon of AASRA LLC, this hallowed ground may soon host restaurants, limited retail, and—brace yourselves—indoor entertainment. I shudder to think what horrors lurk behind the term “indoor entertainment.” Are we talking artisanal kombucha tastings? Board game cafes? Or, heaven forbid, karaoke? The mind reels.

To add insult to injury, the council had the audacity to approve this measure unanimously. Not a single voice of reason crying out, “But what about the property values?!” Not one council member paused to consider the existential threat posed by a 6-foot masonry fence (which, let’s be honest, is basically a Berlin Wall for people who still use the phrase “those people”).

And just when you thought the madness couldn’t escalate, Mayor Craig Morgan casually suggested that other properties in the area might also be rezoned. That’s right—this could be the beginning of a domino effect of vibrancy. Before you know it, we’ll have walkable neighborhoods and local businesses thriving. The horror.

Meanwhile, in a move that will surely appease the ghosts of Round Rock’s past, the council also approved partial property tax exemptions for historic buildings. Because nothing says “preserving our heritage” like giving tax breaks to commercial properties while the rest of us foot the bill for their upkeep. But hey, at least they’re not mixed-use. Small mercies.

So, to recap: Round Rock is slowly but surely inching toward becoming a place where people might want to spend time. And if that doesn’t terrify the HOA overlords, I don’t know what will.