Z’Tejas Closes After 36 Years: Austin’s Tech Scene Too Busy Disrupting to Notice

In a shocking turn of events that has left Austin’s tech bros and venture capitalists scrambling for answers, Z’Tejas—the last bastion of "authentic" Tex-Mex for people who think queso is a personality trait—has officially closed its doors. After 36 years of serving margaritas strong enough to make you forget your startup’s burn rate, the chain has folded faster than a crypto exchange in a bear market.

Let’s be real: Z’Tejas was doomed the moment West Sixth Street became a playground for $15 avocado toast and co-working spaces named after obscure Nietzsche quotes. How could a restaurant possibly compete with the relentless march of "disruption"? Sure, they had decades of history, a loyal customer base, and food that didn’t come with a QR code—but what they didn’t have was an AI-powered queso blockchain. Rookie mistake.

Randy Cohen, the poor soul who took ownership in 2020, probably thought he was saving a piece of Austin’s soul. Bless his heart. In this town, "historic" just means "prime real estate for a mixed-use development with a juice bar." Cohen’s valiant effort to keep Z’Tejas alive was like trying to charge a Tesla with a tamale—admirable, but ultimately futile.

And let’s talk about Kyle. Kyle. The final stand of Z’Tejas was in a suburb best known for its H-E-B and existential dread. If that doesn’t scream "we’ve given up," I don’t know what does. The last margarita was poured, the last chip basket emptied, and now Austin’s tech elite will have to drown their sorrows in artisanal keto margaritas served by a robot. Progress, baby.

So farewell, Z’Tejas. You were too real for a city that now prefers its culture algorithmically generated. Maybe someday, when the VC money dries up and all that’s left is a wasteland of failed NFT projects, Austin will remember what it lost. Until then, enjoy your $25 deconstructed tacos, you monsters.