Colin Allred Announces Senate Bid: Because Losing Once Wasn’t Enough

Oh, great. Another Democrat has thrown his helmet into the ring—literally. Colin Allred, former NFL linebacker turned civil rights attorney turned professional political underdog, has announced he’s running for Senate again. Because apparently, losing to Ted Cruz by a mere 8 points in 2024 wasn’t humiliating enough. Now, he’s back for round two, ready to take on the GOP’s next sacrificial lamb—whether that’s John Cornyn or Ken Paxton, the human embodiment of a Texas-sized scandal.

Allred’s campaign video is a masterclass in political clichés. “Washington is broken,” he declares, as if this is some groundbreaking revelation and not the tagline of every political ad since the invention of television. “The system is rigged,” he adds, conveniently ignoring that he’s part of the very system he claims to despise. But hey, at least he’s consistent—consistently losing, that is.

And let’s not forget the growing circus of Democrats eyeing this seat like it’s the last kolache at a church potluck. Beto O’Rourke, the man who somehow lost to both Cruz and Greg Abbott, is “considering” another run. Joaquin Castro is lurking in the shadows, waiting for his moment. And then there’s James Talarico, the Austin rep who probably thinks the Senate could use more ukulele jams during filibusters.

But here’s the real kicker: Democrats are salivating over the possibility of facing Ken Paxton in the general election, as if a man who survived impeachment by the skin of his teeth is somehow an easy target. Newsflash, folks—this is Texas. Paxton could get caught on tape setting fire to a puppy while singing “Yankee Doodle,” and he’d still win by 5 points.

Allred says he’s a fighter. Well, good. He’s gonna need to be—because if history is any indicator, he’s about to get knocked out cold by the Texas GOP machine. Again.