Trump’s ‘Big, Beautiful Bill’: A Love Letter to the 1% (and a Middle Finger to Everyone Else)

Ah, another day, another Big, Beautiful Bill from our favorite orange-hued economic savior. The latest masterpiece from the Trumpian tax cut factory is here, and boy, does it deliver—if you’re already rolling in stacks of cash, that is. For the rest of us plebs? Well, enjoy your overtime tax break (expiring in 2028, by the way) while the oligarchs pop champagne over their permanent windfalls.

Let’s break it down, shall we? First up: unincorporated companies. You know, those poor, struggling mom-and-pop operations like H-E-B and the Houston Texans. These humble enterprises will now get to keep even more of their pass-through income—because nothing says economic justice like letting billion-dollar businesses pay taxes like they’re a dude selling handmade soap on Etsy. Meanwhile, your local barista can look forward to a few extra bucks on their tips—until the IRS comes knocking again in five years.

Next, families with more than $14 million in assets. Ah yes, the real victims of our oppressive tax system. Imagine the horror of only being able to pass down $5.5 million tax-free! Thankfully, Trump’s bill swoops in like a golden parachute, ensuring that dynastic wealth remains safely in the hands of those who truly earned it—by being born into the right family. And don’t worry about those pesky estate taxes; just shuffle your money into a trust, and voilà—problem solved. Meanwhile, the rest of us can enjoy the trickle-down economics of watching Medicaid and food stamps get slashed to pay for all this generosity.

And finally, oil companies. Because if there’s one industry that’s been criminally overlooked in the tax break department, it’s Big Oil. Exxon Mobil and friends can now deduct the cost of their equipment immediately, because why wait to save money when you can have it now? It’s like giving a kid their allowance for the next decade upfront—except the kid is a multinational corporation, and the allowance is billions of dollars. Oh, and carbon capture subsidies? Still here! Because nothing says environmental responsibility like using taxpayer money to help oil companies pump more oil.

So there you have it, folks. The Big, Beautiful Bill: a masterclass in wealth redistribution—upward. But hey, at least we can all take comfort in knowing that when the economy trickles down, it’ll be raining pennies. Maybe.