Trump’s ‘Big, Beautiful Bill’ Is Basically a GoFundMe for Millionaires

Ah, the "Big, Beautiful Bill"—because nothing says "economic justice" like turbocharging the bank accounts of people who already own yachts. President Trump’s latest masterpiece of fiscal policy is like a reverse Robin Hood, except instead of stealing from the rich to give to the poor, it’s stealing from the poor to give to the rich—and then calling it "stimulus." Genius.

Let’s break it down, bro. If you’re a Texan making less than $360K a year, congrats! You get the fiscal equivalent of a participation trophy—maybe a few extra bucks in your paycheck, just enough to cover half a tank of gas in your lifted F-150. But if you’re in the top 5%? Oh baby, strap in. You’re about to get paid.

First up: unincorporated businesses. You know, those poor, struggling mom-and-pop shops like HEB and the Houston Texans. These humble enterprises have been suffering under the oppressive weight of taxation, barely scraping by on millions in profit. But fear not! The bill ensures they’ll only be taxed on some of their earnings, because why should they pay full price when the rest of us peasants do?

Then there’s the estate tax—or as I like to call it, the "Sorry Your Dad Wasn’t Elon Musk" tax. If your family has a cool $14 million lying around (adjusted for inflation, because inflation only hurts the poors), you’re golden. The bill makes sure your heirs won’t have to sell too many Picassos to cover the tax bill. Meanwhile, the rest of us can just hope our parents leave us their collection of Beanie Babies.

And let’s not forget Big Oil, the true victims of our time. Exxon Mobil and friends are getting a sweet new deduction that lets them write off equipment costs immediately—because nothing says "fiscal responsibility" like letting corporations front-load their tax breaks while the national debt skyrockets. Plus, carbon capture subsidies are staying intact, because nothing says "environmentalism" like pumping CO2 into the ground to squeeze out more oil.

But hey, at least the working class gets… checks notes… no taxes on overtime? Wow. Groundbreaking. Almost makes up for the fact that Medicaid and food stamps are getting slashed to pay for all this.

In conclusion, the "Big, Beautiful Bill" is a masterclass in trickle-down economics—or as I like to call it, "trickle-on economics," because at this point, we all know who’s getting trickled on. Stay winning, rich guys. The rest of us will just be over here, waiting for those "stimulated" economy crumbs to fall our way.