Dubai Chocolate and Deep-Fried Regret: The State Fair of Texas’ 2025 Menu is a Cry for Help

In a stunning display of culinary audacity, the State Fair of Texas has once again proven that no food is safe from being deep-fried, stuffed, or inexplicably combined with Dubai chocolate. The 2025 Big Tex Choice Awards semifinalists have been announced, and let me tell you, the list reads like a fever dream from a chef who just mainlined a gallon of queso.

First, let’s address the elephant in the room: Dubai chocolate. Not content with merely existing in luxury hotels and duty-free shops, it has now infiltrated the sacred grounds of the State Fair. Dubai Chocolate Cheesecake? Dubai Chocolate Funnel Cake Fries? At this rate, next year we’ll see Dubai Chocolate Deep-Fried Camel Hump (patent pending).

Then there’s the What on Earth is This?—a dish so enigmatic, so boldly unapologetic in its refusal to explain itself, that it might just be the most honest entry on the list. Is it a dessert? A savory abomination? A cry for help? We may never know, but I’m sure it’ll cost $28 and come with a side of existential dread.

And let’s not overlook the Dirty Red Bull® Tex-arita, a beverage that sounds less like a drink and more like a dare from your worst college roommate. “Hey, what if we mixed tequila, Red Bull, and… Texas?” Spoiler alert: the answer is regret, both physical and spiritual.

Of course, the fair’s press release gushes about “bold flavors, creative combinations, and over-the-top Fair food fun!”—which is corporate-speak for “we deep-fried a deviled egg and put a Wagyu bacon cheeseburger inside it because we ran out of ideas.”

But who am I to judge? I’m just a humble Westlake mother who prefers her food unfried and her chocolate not sourced from a desert metropolis. Call me old-fashioned, but I’ll stick to my organic kale chips and silently judge everyone in line for the Churro Cheesecake Jalapeño Popper.

See you at the fair, folks. Bring your antacids.